Self-Harming Heroine - Chapter 18

‘Alice, what are you doing?’

Frey spoke as if in disbelief.

There was no response. She sighed deeply, pressing her temples to ease the headache.

How did things end up like this? Frey reflected on what had happened just moments before.

The weekend.

Alice, who had a reclusive streak, loved weekends more than any other time of the week.

No need to go outside, and she could hole up in her room, reading books all day.

Sleeping in as long as she wanted, waking up to stretch out on her cozy bed, and enjoying snacks while flipping through pages.

For Alice, this was her little slice of happiness.

Today was the same as always. It was her first weekend since starting at the academy. 

Even though she was in the unfamiliar environment of the dorm, nothing had changed for Alice. Dressed in her pajamas, she lay on her bed, reading a book. 

She had borrowed a whole stack from the library, so there was no shortage of reading material. Snacks were plentiful too: sweet macarons and chocolate cookies, with pudding waiting in the fridge.

Alice opened her book with a smile.

And watching her from within her own mind, was Frey.

As always, their weekend passed by quietly.

Until just now.

‘Uh, what should I do? Lucia just showed up…’

[Well, answer her already. If you don’t, she’ll just assume you’re not here and leave.]

‘B-but…’

Alice fidgeted, twisting her fingers anxiously.

It was her habit whenever she was troubled or indecisive. Frey spoke up.

[What now?]

‘I’m… still in my pajamas…’

[So what?]

‘Wouldn’t that seem strange…?’

[You worry too much. You’re just comfortably dressed in your own room; who would think anything of it?]

It was unusual for anyone to visit on the weekend; this had never happened before.

Alice was shy by nature, and while Frey could mimic sociability, she chose not to.

The two were equal personalities, or at least, that was how Alice saw it.

But Frey thought differently. The primary personality was Alice, who had been there from the start. As the later-born, secondary personality, it wouldn’t be right for her to interfere with Alice’s relationships. It could even be burdensome for Alice.

If Alice was going to make friends, it would be by her own accord.

Thus, Frey refrained from getting involved and instead gave Alice a gentle nudge. And for the first time, Alice had made a friend all on her own.

Lucia.

Alice’s first friend.

Though Frey hadn’t completely figured out what kind of person Lucia was, her actions so far seemed pretty likable.

When Alice was in a difficult spot, she reached out to help and happily accepted Alice’s gestures of goodwill.

But you could never be sure.

There are people out there pretending to be nice on the surface but are rotten to the core.

Just like that woman. At first, she acted kind, but the moment things changed, she showed her true colors.

Who’s to say Lucia isn’t the same?

Until Frey was certain that she could be trusted, she was someone to keep an eye on.

“H-hel-hello… L-Lu…cia…”

Encouraged by Frey’s advice, Alice mustered up the courage to open the door.

Just a little.

Peeking her face out, Alice gave a shy, awkward smile.

From there, things went fairly well.

Although the pajamas did seem to embarrass her a bit, Lucia’s expression had changed in an odd way—but it wasn’t worth worrying over. Her face had gone red. Even her ears had flushed. 

Well, she did say it was because she found Alice cute. Frey could only silently nod in agreement. Alice was indeed cute, undeniably so. And if anyone disagreed, they’d be buried for it.

Alice and Lucia talked about books, and Lucia even asked for recommendations.

Alice was happier than she’d ever been. This was her first time sharing a hobby with a friend, so it made sense that she was excited.

When Alice felt joy, Frey naturally felt happy too. In her inner world, Frey gave a small smile.

Not bad, she thought. Lucia seemed to get along well with Alice. 

If she had said anything unnecessary, Frey would’ve been ready to tear her apart, maybe even kick her out. Wasn’t this girl’s supernatural ability something like super regeneration? Then there’d be no need for restraint—Frey could stomp on her bit by bit without leaving a trace, right?

Hmmm, not bad at all. She is a much better torture subject than I thought. I’ve always wanted to try pulling out someone’s teeth one by one with my fingers, maybe keeping them all in a jar. Adding a name tag and displaying other things like fingernails or hair would make it even better. If it were anyone else, it might be noticed right away, but with her… or maybe, even more might be possible?

‘Chopping up her entire body and preserving it in jars… or maybe just cutting off her limbs, burning them so they can’t regenerate, then letting her squirm around like a worm… Or hanging her on a wall as a target…’

Frey chuckled to herself. What was she thinking? 

That was taking it too far. Such things should only be considered if it turned out Lucia was using Alice, the kind of person who would exploit her. 

Going too far could make Alice suspicious, and besides, Frey wasn’t a complete monster. Despite her words, she wasn’t someone who would actually go that far. Humans were just too fragile.

“Alice.”

Frey’s thoughts were interrupted.

Lucia held out a shopping bag she had brought with her.

“It’s a gift. Please take it.”

“A g-g-gift…?”

“It’s nothing special. I was out shopping for clothes yesterday and thought of you. I thought it might suit you if you wore it. Not sure if the size will fit, though…”

Alice glanced back and forth between the shopping bag and Lucia.

She struggled to find the words, her lips moving silently as she appeared taken aback by the unexpected gift. In reality, her mind was a flurry of activity, with little versions of Alice running around circles in a frenzy.

‘F-Frey! It’s a gift! What do I do? Why is she giving me something? Is it because she likes me? Do you think so? Frey? What should I say? I need to act natural… Oh no… how do I respond? Should I try to repay her somehow? N-no, but first I should accept it, right? If I refuse, Lucia might be disappointed. B-but still…’

[Calm down. At least try to think without stuttering.]

‘R-right…’

As she soothed Alice, Frey’s gaze grew sharp.

A gift? Out of nowhere? Friends can give gifts, but for someone who’s only just met Alice? Is this a bribe? A way to get closer?

What’s her motive? Is she trying to trap Alice in a debt? Are you another person trying to take advantage of Alice? Like that vile woman? Is this some kind of fake kindness to buy favors? Is it really just to be friends, or…

Crunch.

In her inner world, the sound of grinding teeth filled the air ominously.

No… no, not yet. It’s too early to know for sure.

For now, let’s just see what she says.

“Um… did it make you uncomfortable? I mean, we’ve only been friends for two or three days, and maybe receiving a gift suddenly felt like too much. It’s a cliché thing to say, but you really don’t have to feel pressured. I wanted to give it to you, so I did.”

Blushing like a ripe persimmon, Lucia scratched her cheek shyly.

“The truth is… I’ve never had any friends. I’ve always been alone. Alice, you’re my first friend. So… hehe, I was thrilled. Won’t you accept my gift?”

What?

What did she just say? First friend? You? Unlike Alice, you seem to know how to get along with people, yet you are a loner?

Where do you get off from telling such an obvious lie…

Frey suddenly paused.

She stared at the blond girl in front of her. Her face was red, blushing to the point you’d think she had a fever. 

She looked genuinely embarrassed. Did she feel awkward about saying such things? Sure, mentioning ‘first friend’ and the like would be a bit embarrassing to say out loud.

[Doesn’t… seem to be a lie.]

She didn’t fully understand, but it didn’t feel like there was any falsehood in what Lucia had just said.

Now that she thought about it, she had seen that look before. When she had seen Alice in pajamas earlier, Lucia had avoided making eye contact, her ears turning red.

Back then, Frey had dismissed it as strange, wondering why she’d act so shy over something as simple as pajamas, thinking it was strangely similar to how Alice would react. 

Could she really have been alone? Maybe joining the academy was her way of trying to make her debut with courage? Now that she thought about it, hadn’t this girl been eating alone even at lunchtime…?

“…First… friend…”

With trembling hands, Alice accepted the gift.

She repeated the words, her voice faint, like a broken radio.

Frey cautiously called out to Alice.

[Alice? What’s wrong?]

“I’m… Lucia’s… first… friend?”

Something felt strange.

Alice’s emotions were coming through clearly. Like a tiny boat caught in a storm, her feelings were all over the place.

But there was no answer, even when Frey tried to reach her. Instead, Frey found herself being pulled into Alice’s intense emotions.

This feeling… It was happiness.

Ah, so that’s it. She’s happy knowing that she’s also Lucia’s first friend, that they’re each other’s first. The realization that she’s not just special to herself, but to someone else too—it makes her truly happy.

If that’s true… yeah. I feel happy too.

But that’s that, and this is this.

Don’t let your emotions take over, silly Alice!

Frey clicked her tongue in irritation.

She needed to snap Alice out of it. Lucia was still waiting for a response.

Just as Frey was about to act—

“…?!”

Alice disappeared.

No, she had been pushed from the control of her body.

For something like this to happen, Alice would have to either willingly give up control, or—

‘Alice?’

—or Alice would have to lose consciousness.

Huh? Are you kidding me, Alice?

Did you faint? Over something like this?

Technically, it wasn’t quite fainting.

The joy she felt was so overwhelming that her consciousness just… melted away. Alice’s awareness had drifted into the inner part of her mind. Only someone with a dual personality could pull off a stunt like that.

But in the end, it was practically the same thing.

Sigh.

Frey let out a deep sigh.

She found herself instinctively frowning, frustrated by how pitiful her other self was.

And that brought her back to the present.

Lucia was looking at her with a puzzled expression. She seemed a bit dumbfounded. Don’t make such a clueless face, she thought. It’s tempting to mess with you when you look like that.

Hmm, now what to do?

Frey thought for a moment and realized this was actually a good opportunity.

Alice was asleep. She wouldn’t be coming back for a while.

In other words, whatever Frey did from here on wouldn’t be discovered by Alice.

Perfect.

There was something she had been wanting to do behind Alice’s back.

With a gaze like that of a cat eyeing a chick, Frey turned her attention to Lucia.