Self-Harming Heroine - Chapter 22

I woke up, coughing and retching up whatever was inside me.

With each rasping cough, thick, sticky blood spilled out, flooding my mouth.

The air was filled with the sharp smell of blood, and the once-white bathroom floor was stained a ghastly red.

I shook my head, trying to clear my dazed thoughts. Lucia’s beautiful golden hair was tangled, sticky with dried blood.

What…?

Why did I fall asleep here?

With my still foggy mind, I tried to piece things together.

What was I doing… before I fell asleep?

Sleeping naked and soaked in blood on a bathroom floor wasn’t something even Lucia would do, no matter how strange she might be.

Through the blood pooling on the floor, something caught my eye.

I pulled it out instinctively—it was a hacksaw, completely drenched in blood.

Ah, that’s right.

Before I fell asleep, I’d been trying to cut up my limbs like slices of cake. 

First, I’d sawed through my legs, and then I’d hacked off my left arm with the hacksaw. It had been chilling—the way the muscles and tendons had snapped, and even the resistance from the bone hadn’t stopped me as I cut right through it. 

My once powerful, running legs lay discarded like trash. My left arm, which had wielded weapons, was now nothing but a slab of meat.

They’d become lifeless and useless hunks of flesh, destined only to rot.

And I loved it~♡

I loved it so much~♡

It felt so exhilarating.

I wanted more. I needed to keep going.

I’d intended to cut off my remaining arm, too.

But then a problem presented itself. I didn’t have a way to cut it off. 

After all, I’d used my right hand to hack through my left arm and legs. Was there any way to use my right hand to cut itself off? My left hand was already detached and couldn’t follow my commands anymore.

After thinking about it, I came to a simple, brute-force conclusion.

I wedged the hacksaw under my right arm. It wasn’t enough to do it in one go, so I had to try dozens of times. I clamped the hacksaw between my severed legs to hold it steady, swinging my right arm over and over until I’d managed to slice through a bit at a time.

It was tough. The hacksaw kept slipping, and my right arm ended up a mangled mess. Compared to the clean cuts on my left arm and legs, my right arm looked like a vicious beast had gnawed on it.

But I succeeded. After countless attempts, I finally managed to sever my right arm.

With my last remaining limb now detached from my body, I was left completely helpless.

No arms.

No legs.

All that remained was my torso and head.

There I lay on the bathroom floor, blood-stained and writhing like a helpless worm. Blood continued to gush from the stumps of my limbs, pooling around me and spreading farther across the floor. 

Any normal person would have died from blood loss by now. The amount of blood on the floor seemed impossible for a single person to have shed. 

I dunked my face into the pool of my own blood, barely keeping myself alive with my super regeneration as I convulsed in ecstasy.

Warm blood filled my nose and mouth. I coughed and struggled, my severed limbs twitching uselessly, but the blood kept pouring.

I could hardly breathe. It felt like I was drowning with my face shoved into a bowl of water. I tasted iron. I smelled the sharp tang of blood. 

Wriggling.

I tried to twist my body, but I didn’t have the strength to roll over.

And then…

I passed out.

Almost suffocated in a pool of my own blood—that’s hilarious.

“Ugh… I reek of blood… I better take a shower first.”

I grimaced as drops of blood trickled down my hair.

I pressed my hands to the floor to lift myself. Walking to the shower on two legs, I noticed my two arms and legs still lying scattered on the floor.

“…?”

Huh? My arms? My legs?

But I… I still have them…?

“Oh.”

I slapped my forehead.

Oops. Big mistake.

I’d made sure to prevent my limbs from regenerating… right before I passed out.

But after I passed out, I couldn’t control my powers. If my regeneration worked automatically and restored my severed limbs… Well, this is what you get. 

My body had grown new limbs, while the ones I’d cut off remained detached, lost like homeless wanderers.

“What now…?”

I do enjoy cutting off parts of my body. Honestly, I’m addicted to it.

The sense of loss when I part with an important piece of myself, that thrilling feeling when something that should be there is suddenly gone. 

It felt euphoric~♡

As I lose each part that makes me human, I feel myself becoming something else—livestock, an object—and the chill of it gives me shivers~♡

I’ve cut off pieces of myself multiple times, starting with my fingers, for this very feeling.

When it’s time to clean up, I make sure not to regrow the lost parts. Instead, I always reattach the severed pieces.

Otherwise, I’d have to find a way to dispose of the detached body parts in secret. Small things, like fingers, are manageable. But larger parts, like arms or legs, are much harder. If I mess up the disposal, I risk being mistaken for some brutal murderer.

Not that I could tell anyone, “Oh, I did it to myself!”

Who would believe someone with regeneration abilities would hack off their own limbs as a hobby?

Right here, me.

“So, how do I get rid of these?”

I poked the lifeless arm and leg.

At a glance, they looked like mannequin parts, but a closer look would reveal that they were in fact, real.

If someone else saw this, they’d likely misunderstand.

I need to dispose of them. For now, they’re fine, but once they start decomposing, I’ll be in trouble.

The smell will be unbearable. People will definitely find out.

But how do I get rid of them…?

Burn them to ashes? I don’t have the firepower for that. My only power is regeneration.

Trying to burn them would only attract attention with the smell and smoke.

I could think of a few people who might help.

Eugene could incinerate them without leaving a trace. Alice could even vaporize them with a beam.

But I can’t ask for their help right now. Neither of them knows that Lucia is just a perverted girl who does things like this, so I can’t exactly ask them…

I could explain it away, saying it was ‘ability training’. They’re both so naive that they’d probably believe me.

But what about Frey? Would that avatar of doubt, the paranoid Frey really believe it?

She’d probably question it endlessly and label Lucia as a dangerous individual.

That would be bad.

I want to get along with Frey, if possible.

I even have a whip I plan to give to her someday.

Since I did this, I should handle the cleanup myself.

I’ve still got time… yep, it’s dawn.

I’ve only been unconscious for an hour or so, fortunately.

“What’s the best way to dispose of a corpse?”

Well, not exactly a corpse, but still.

Dump it in the ocean? No, that’s too far, and taking public transport with this would raise suspicion.

Encasing it in concrete? I don’t have the tools for that.

In that case…

“Let’s bury it.”

There’s a forested hill behind the academy.

It’s not a mountain, but it’s secluded enough to hide something without being found.

I’m not burying a person, just my own limbs. Who’s going to say anything if I return my own limbs to nature, right? 

Right?

◈

I cut the arms and legs into pieces and placed them in a black bag.

In the process, I accidentally sliced off a finger, so I threw that in as well.

It was an accident.

Really, just an accident.

I wasn’t intentionally thinking, “Well, if I’m burying the limbs anyway, a few extra fingers won’t hurt.”

…Though, maybe a small part of me thought that.

Still, it’s just because my hand slipped with the blood-slicked axe!

I carefully placed the bag into a large backpack.

Pulling a hat down low and covering my mouth and nose with a mask, I picked up an axe for a makeshift shovel.

I glanced at the mirror to check my reflection.

Yeah, no doubt about it—I look suspicious.

Wearing a backpack, a hat pulled low, and a mask covering my face as I head up a mountain at this hour?

And to top it off, my bag contains dismembered body parts of a corpse(not really a corpse, but still).

There’s really no explaining this.

“It took a bit longer than expected to wash off all the dried blood… Let’s hurry and get this over with.”

I couldn’t exactly go out covered head-to-toe in blood, so I’d scrubbed myself clean and stood refreshed by the door, ready to leave.

The plan: as soon as I step outside, I’ll run.

Not a casual jog like when I’m doing my usual sixty laps, but a focused sprint, carefully managing my stamina with regenerative abilities.

Considering Lucia’s physical endurance and my enhanced abilities, the back mountain should be a quick trip.

The only question is, where should I bury it?

Ideally, somewhere people don’t often go—a secluded spot halfway up the mountainside, maybe?

I’ve never actually been to the back mountain of the academy, so I’ll need to find a suitable location once I get there. I’ll have to be careful not to get lost, though—Lucia seems to have a poor sense of direction.

Ah, a shovel would’ve been useful, but there’s no way to get one now.

At least I have the axe as a substitute. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll just dig with my hands. I’ll trust in my supernatural endurance. If I get hurt, I’ll just regenerate.

Alright, time to go!

I hyped myself up, but I carefully opened the door as quietly as possible.

Heh, this mission was thrilling in its own right.

The thought of not getting caught makes my heart flutter a bit.

On tiptoes, I crept down the hallway, avoiding any noise. Instead of using the stairs, I opened a window at the end of the hall. 

Peeking outside to make sure the coast was clear, I jumped out.

It was the third floor—not so high at a glance, but dangerous for a regular person. A fall could be fatal depending on the landing; hitting your head could even kill you.

But this was of no concern to Lucia.

I landed without a hitch, feeling just a slight twinge in my ankles.

Dodging patrol guards and staying clear of CCTV cameras, I moved quietly.

All those late-night walks are paying off now. (T/N: Those?)

Though washing away the scent of blood took some time, there was still plenty of time left.

Wow, this might be easier than I thought.