Self-Harming Heroine - Chapter 13

It was a satisfying meal.

One serving of Garak-guksu1thick wheat noodle soup was not enough, so I continued with a bowl of beef noodle soup and some bibim-guksu2spicy mixed noodles before finally putting down my chopsticks.

Sure, I was really hungry, but the noodles here were so delicious that I couldn’t help but eat more. Yeah, I’ll have to come back here often when I have the time.

“How was it?” Anastasia asked, her face displaying that characteristic sleepy expression.

She looked like someone who had just woken up from a nap, her face dazed.

“It was really good. I could’ve eaten more if I wasn’t already so full.”

“Glad to hear that,” she replied, her voice still sleepy but somehow proud.

Wait a second… Did Anastasia make this?

Come to think of it, that could be possible.

This noodle restaurant was owned by one of Anastasia’s relatives. Like Lucia, Anastasia was an orphan.

Only a few main characters from “The Dawn of the Sword” had parents who were both still around in the story. The closest exception to this was Arin. Eugene was an orphan, Alice had a stepmother, and Leo was fatherless.

Likewise, Anastasia lost her parents five years ago in the great catastrophe. The one who took in Anastasia, who became an orphan overnight, was none other than her uncle.

He owns this noodle restaurant. As such, Anastasia used her powers fully to help her uncle, whose health hadn’t been good since that catastrophic event five years ago.

Thanks to her ability to create clones, she could manage plenty of staff, and she might even be in the kitchen herself.

In the original story, her uncle had been portrayed as someone who was strict about cooking, rarely allowing others into his kitchen. But Anastasia was talented at everything. By the time she entered the academy, she’d probably already earned his approval. I was curious to check, but barging into the kitchen would be rude, so I held back.

“Alright, I’ll get going. See you at the academy next week.”

“Yeah, come again.”

“Of course. I’ll be back.”

“Sure, Luffy.”

I mean, my name is Lucia.

Every time she calls me that, it sounds like I have stretchy powers, not super regeneration. I don’t stretch, you know.

I wanted to correct her but knew it wouldn’t make a difference. To get her to remember my name, I’d probably have to follow her around and tell her repeatedly for several days. Or give her a memorable shock.

After paying at the counter, I left the restaurant.

A soft chime sounded as the bell on the door jingled.

The weather was still bright and sunny.

I looked up at the fluffy white clouds drifting high in the sky and smiled.

Where should I go now?

I have time, so maybe I’ll just stroll around for a bit to digest.

◈

Sipping on a takeaway coffee, I leaned back on a bench in the park.

I had walked and walked, yet my ankles and soles showed no sign of pain. I stretched my legs out and yawned. Hehe, if I had done this while wearing my school uniform, I’d have shown everything under my skirt. But I was wearing pants now, so no accidental exposures here.

I bought some new clothes from a shop I spotted along the way. I was hoping that there might be another unexpected encounter here, but that kind of coincidence doesn’t usually happen twice.

At first, wearing the academy uniform felt odd.

I’d never worn a skirt before. I had no interest in cross-dressing. When my thighs touched, it felt a bit eerie.

But I got used to it quickly. It’s not my original body, so the discomfort faded fast. We are talking about Lucia, right? She looks good in just about anything. If I’d been asked to wear this when I was a guy, I would have bitten my tongue. Just imagining myself in a skirt makes me nauseous. That face, in a skirt? Why does that creature exist? It should never have been born. Please die.

But I’m Lucia now, right? What’s the problem with wearing girls’ clothes? None at all, right? Yep, nothing.

Maybe I thought of it like customizing a character. It wasn’t me wearing it; I was just dressing up a character. So I quickly adjusted, whether it was a skirt or a bra.

But when I went to buy women’s clothes at an actual store, I felt uncomfortable.

Was this okay? Could I buy this? It felt like I was crossing a forbidden line that men shouldn’t pass. After already crossing so many lines, why was I hesitating on this one?

It was funny, but it was a mental block I’d need time to overcome.

Yeah… even though I’m in Lucia’s body, I still think of myself as a guy.

Of course, I’d lived as a guy up to now. It would be impossible to adjust to being a girl in just a week, right?

Because of that, most of the clothes I bought were pants, except for a few pieces. I went for items that leaned towards a gender-neutral style: black and red track pants, a plain oversized shirt, blue skinny jeans, a khaki tank top, and loose, monotone pants.

Today, I was in my casual tracksuit; which was the first thing I bought. I zipped it up to my chest and put on the hood. The school uniform was stashed in a shopping bag. It had a bit of a Yankee style, which I liked. And with my blonde hair, it worked.

After walking for hours, I realized that walking with human legs doesn’t get you very far. Especially since I’d been strolling and enjoying the scenery. It took over an hour to walk a distance that should have been 10 minutes by car.

Since returning it would be difficult if I went too far, I took a big loop around the bustling downtown area. It was a worthwhile time, my first real look at the world outside.

Wherever it is, people are living their lives.

Even in a harsh world invaded by monsters, people still lived.

Shops opened, food stalls sold snacks, children played in playgrounds, and adults went about their business. It was no different from Earth.

But it was surreal to think that this peaceful city was, in fact, like a sandcastle that could be destroyed at any time. Seeing it in person made everything feel like a mirage.

The world could end tomorrow, and it wouldn’t be strange. Humanity’s territory was shrinking. Monsters were numerous and powerful, while there were fewer and fewer people who could fight.

Humanity was heading toward extinction.

“It’s okay.”

But it’s fine.

There’s no need to worry.

Humans are strong. Stronger than you’d think.

The protagonist is strong. Eugene is incredibly strong.

Even if he’s immature now, he’ll one day become a hero at the pinnacle of this world.

As long as he’s here, there’s hope in this world.

So, I just need to support Eugene and make sure he doesn’t falter.

“Alright, time to head back.”

The sun will set soon.

There’s a shop I noted earlier, so I’ll stop by there before heading back to the dorm.

I threw the empty coffee cup into the trash can by the bench and stood up.

Not forgetting to grab my shopping bag, of course. I spent money on this; can’t just leave it behind.

Besides, I bought something for Alice too.

I hope it fits.

I wonder if she’ll like it?

◈

I closed the last page of the book.

Reading under dim light made my eyes hurt. In the mirror, they looked a bit red. I took a moment to enjoy the feeling, then healed it with super regeneration.

With this, I’d finished all the books Alice had lent me. Yep, it was a wonderful story. Alice, who had read countless books, naturally had good taste. I wouldn’t usually go for a romance novel, but it tugged at my heart. I even teared up when the two lovers finally confessed their feelings.

I wish I could have a romance like that. Not now, though. What? Date a guy? Uh… no way. Even if it’s this world’s protagonist, no.

I’ll return the book to her tomorrow.

And I’ll give her a gift too.

It’s nothing too special—just an outfit I thought would suit her. A yellow mini-hat, a yellow long cape, and a yellow overall dress. I’m sure she’ll look adorable. She’s so petite; maybe like a chick? Or maybe even a golden retriever.

She’s the first friend I made here, so I hope she likes it.

A chilly wind drifted through the open window, making the curtains sway. Outside, night had fully fallen. Checking the clock, I saw it was already past 3 a.m. I’d started reading as soon as I got back and had been engrossed in it for hours.

I placed the borrowed book and Alice’s gift on my desk. After stretching a bit to relieve my stiffness, I closed the window and drew the curtains. 3 a.m… just the right time.

I grabbed the zipper of my tracksuit and pulled it down. The tank top underneath was partially visible, and my chest, pressed down by the tracksuit, lifted up.

I folded the familiar clothes neatly. I’d gotten used to it by now. Since any clothes would end up soaked in blood and hard to clean, I always took them all off when I trained. At first, I kept at least my underwear on, but eventually, I left everything aside.

But tonight wasn’t about self-harm…or training.

I reached for the shopping bag I’d placed under the desk. All the other clothes I’d bought were already stored in the closet. This was still clothing but not something from that first store.

Before returning to the dorm, I’d made a final stop at a shop specializing in ‘those kinds’ of outfits. I’d spotted it by chance. The moment I saw it, a thought flashed through my mind.

I considered it. But quickly got it out of my head.

I’m not like Lucia, right?

Totally different from her, yeah. So, there’s no way I would do something perverted like Lucia, completely naked and wearing only a trench coat, wandering around outside during the night.

Yeah, that’s only something a masochist would do.

Lucia might be an extreme exhibitionist who gets off from something like that, but I don’t have that kind of hobby.

Walking the streets at night naked with a leash—

Gulp.

Ugh, I am totally not attracted to that at all.

I can tell that I hate it since my heart is beating so hard that it hurts. It’s beating so hard, do I hate it that much?

Right, the problem was that Lucia didn’t wear any clothes right? Then if she wears proper clothing, there’s no problem right?

It’s a simple solution, isn’t it? 

That’s why I prepared these. Since regular clothing can be boring, I’ll go with something a little more unique—

“What should I do…?”

I was just randomly rummaging through the shopping bag and pulled out the first thing I could get my hands on.

It was a pair of bunny ears.

I put the bunny ears on my head and stood in front of the full-length mirror.

Lucia’s lovely blond hair was covered with black bunny ears. 

I smiled. My pink eyes softly widened.

It’s nothing special. There’s nothing strange about it, and I’m not as perverted as Lucia.

If you look around, there must be quite a few people who would wear something like this…

Something like wearing a costume and going out for a little while… 

Hehehe, right?