From VTuber♂ to VTuber♀ - Chapter 38

—

Nice to Meet You. (2)

“Were you having fun?”

“I wasn’t playing around or anything… Anyway, where did you go?”

At the sound of her voice behind me, I lowered my hands, which had been pulling the corners of my mouth into a smile.
Since the avatar on the screen was copying my movements, Toya obviously saw what I was doing.
She was watching me with an expression that looked like she was about to burst out laughing.

She could laugh if she wanted to, but… hmm.

“Ah, sorry. It’s just, seeing Yeoreum playing with the avatar like that was way too cute.”

“I figured.”

“…Do you realize how full of yourself that just sounded? Saying it like you know you’re cute… That’s kind of, I don’t know…”

“No, I just meant I understood why you were trying not to laugh.”

I quickly corrected myself, not wanting her to get the wrong idea.
Especially since she’d already started saying, ‘Well, it’s true that Yeoreum is cute!’ or something like that.

Her all-knowing expression was a bit annoying, but before that, I decided to ask where she had gone.

“So, where did you go?”

“Oh—look! Ta-da~”

Toya fished around in her pocket and held something out in front of me.
I thought she brought back something special, but all she had were two hair ties.

That’s what she left to go get?

It was such a trivial thing that it honestly made me suspect she just used it as an excuse to leave the room and secretly watch me playing with the avatar.

“Yeoreum, come here for a sec?”

“? Sure.”

I wasn’t worried. There was no way Toya would try anything weird.
Well—saying I “entrusted her with my body” sounds strange. To be precise, I entrusted her with my head.

I thought she’d hug me or take my hand, but when she touched my hair instead, it felt oddly different.
She started brushing her fingers through it, saying my hair felt nice. The sensation made me instinctively pull my head in slightly.

Maybe it was because I wasn’t used to having someone touch my hair.

“Even if it’s uncomfortable, just wait a little longer, okay? Hmm… does it hurt?”

“No. Not at all.”

Maybe Toya was just really good with her hands, but even as she brushed, gathered, and tied my hair, it didn’t hurt at all.

Come to think of it, this was the first time I’d had my hair tied up.

Even after my body changed, I usually just let it hang down.

It was something I never would’ve imagined doing when I was a guy.
Every little thing like this reminded me how much I’d changed from who I used to be.

“And… done!”

“Hmm?”

I turned my head slightly, and the tied strands of white hair swayed gently.
No—there were two, one on each side. So twin-tails.

I don’t know if it was because I’d never seen my hair tied up before, but it felt strange and new.
I raised my hand and touched one of the swinging tails.
Because they were tied, it didn’t even feel like my hair.

…It’s softer than I expected. Maybe it’s thanks to using good shampoo and conditioner.

“Oh, you can’t see yourself, huh? Here—mirror!”

“…Oh.”

“Cute, right? Super cute, right? This is exactly why twintails are the pinnacle of cuteness!”

As soon as Toya handed me the mirror, I let out a reflexive gasp.
This… is me?

Normally, I’d flinch at the sight of my face in a mirror, filled with discomfort—but maybe because the hairstyle was so different, it actually looked kind of nice.

More than anything, there was a copy of me on the screen right behind me, so it all felt a little unreal.

“…You went out just to get hair ties?”

“Oh—don’t undo it yet! Just one more thing and… there! Now it’s perfect!”

“…?”

Toya took something from the corner of her desk and gently placed it on my head.

…Seeing it all together, we really did look alike.

The me in the mirror now had twin-tails and wore a wireless cat-ear headset, just like the character on the screen.
Anyone looking might think I was cosplaying the avatar.

The more I stared, the less I felt like myself. My eyes slowly shifted away.
Right now, I wasn’t me. I had become the character on the screen.

“What do you think?”

“…Even if you ask that…”

It’s amazing? Fascinating?

Toya’s voice sounded a bit muffled, so I took the headset off and placed it on the desk.
I paused for a moment, trying to find the words for the feeling that stirred near my chest.
But nothing quite came to mind.

“You don’t like looking in the mirror much, right? So I thought maybe if we eased you into it like this, it might help.”

“…”

So in the end, it was for my sake again.

Come to think of it, even after I started living with Toya, I’d never really tried looking in a mirror.
Toya noticed that too—but never tried to force it on me.

I’d always made excuses—I’m just not used to it yet, that sort of thing.
But neither of us really believed that excuse, not deep down.

“Wasn’t there a saying, something like… ‘The moment you begin to hate yourself is the most dangerous time’…?”

If you asked me if what I was feeling now was self-hatred… it was hard to say for sure.

Do I hate myself? Or just avoid myself?

I glanced at the computer screen again and saw the avatar staring back with a melancholy expression.

So that’s what I looked like just now…

Funny how I couldn’t stand recognizing the person in the mirror as myself, but had no trouble recognizing the avatar as me.

…Maybe it’s because I’d been a VTuber for so long.

“Thanks, Toya.”

“…No need to thank me.”

“No, really. Thank you. From now on, instead of looking in the mirror, I’ll just turn on the computer.”

“I should be the one thanking you.”

I hugged Toya tightly and smiled.
She probably didn’t even realize how big of a gift this was to me—but that was okay. I knew.

No need to explain it. I just had to show her how thankful I was.

…Though honestly, it felt like Toya was the more grateful one here.

“Oh, right. One last thing!”

“Huh?”

Click—

As I tilted my head curiously, Toya placed the headset back on and raised her phone to snap a picture.

A photo? What for?

If it was just for personal keeping, I didn’t mind.

Most people probably wouldn’t want a picture of themselves with twintails and cat-ear headphones, but…

Maybe because I didn’t really feel like that person, I didn’t feel all that embarrassed.

It was funny how I could see the avatar and instantly think it looks like me, but not feel the same way about an actual photo.

“Yeoreum. Can I send this picture to someone I know?”

“So suddenly?”

“Well, it’s kind of a… personal thing. Ahaha…”

Send it to a friend? A photo of me like this?

Toya looked a bit awkward but also genuinely hopeful.

A personal reason…? I didn’t know what it was, but if it meant that much to Toya, then…

“I don’t mind.”

“…Really?”

“Because it’s you. I can trust you, Toya. That’s all there is to it.”

“Thank you, Yeoreum.”

Toya smiled brightly at my answer.

Really now… I should be the one most thankful, so why do you look happier than me?

That thought made me chuckle softly.

And then Toya smiled with me.

—

[“Ragu-sensei finally posted a WISP after so long!”]

[(Image of a WISP titled “Lately, I’ve been feeling like drawing again.jpg”)]
A few months ago, they announced retirement and didn’t tweet a single thing afterward, but today they suddenly posted!

> [I was seriously sad when Ragu-sensei said they were retiring. I’m glad they’re back.]
[Are they okay now? Didn’t they retire because of an injury?]
[And yet they say they want to draw again…]
[This the same person who was tweeting like the world was ending a few months ago? LOL]
[How did someone convince a person who retired due to a wrist injury to come back?!]
[Whoever it was deserves a freakin’ medal.]
[I’ll be waiting for the moment Ragu draws again despite the injury…]
[RAGU IS GOD! RAGU IS GOD! RAGU IS GOD! RAGU IS GOD!]

—

[Oh! Ragu-sensei uploaded a new drawing.]

[(Image: SD art of a girl with white twin-tail hair, red eyes, and a wireless headset, smiling brightly.jpg)]

> [The lines feel a bit rougher than before, but maybe it’s just because it’s SD-style? Not bad, though.]
[Compared to Ragu’s old work, yeah, it’s pretty different.]
[It’s SD art, who cares about the difference LOL]
[If their wrist was injured, some difference is expected. Can we not nitpick?]
[Please don’t fight. It’s a happy day. Let’s not ruin it.]
[Is that a self-character? Doesn’t seem like anything they’ve drawn before.]
[Yeah, I’ve never seen a character like this in Ragu’s previous works.]
[Probably something they just came up with on the spot. That’s the leading theory.]
[Please keep drawing, Ragu-sensei. Seriously…]