From VTuber♂ to VTuber♀ - Chapter 19

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Because it’s you.

Having raced across a snowy field with a frail body, stumbling, getting covered in snow, and spending the entire day in freezing weather, maybe it was inevitable that I’d end up like this.

“Cough, cough, cough…!!”
“Yeo-reum, are you okay?”
“I’m fi— Ugh, cough!”

The instant I tried to open my mouth, I coughed reflexively. The pain felt like I was pulling my lungs out, and tears welled up before I knew it. Still, if there was one solace, it was that I wasn’t suffering alone. If I’d been stuck in my tiny room, sick by myself, I would have been incredibly lonely—but right now, I could rest a little easier because I had someone to care for me.

“…If you come any closer, you’ll catch my cold.”
“Haha, I’ve never once caught a cold in my life, so don’t worry!”

Worried that she was leaning in too close while I coughed, I tried turning my head aside. In response, Toya merely moved even closer. She’s never caught a cold? Must be nice. I always seem to come down with at least a mild cold this time of year. Not that it ever put me completely out of commission—this is the first time I’ve ever been so sick from it.

“Let’s change your cold towel.”
“…You don’t really have to go to all that tro—hooah.”

Toya took the towel off my forehead, dunked it into the basin of water nearby, squeezed out the excess, and placed it back on me. The chilled fabric landed on my feverish forehead, and I let out a pitiful groan. I couldn’t believe such a pathetic sound came out of my own mouth. Hot breath escaped quietly through my slightly parted lips.

“I never knew? That you’d be so small. You’re completely different from what I imagined—I was so surprised!”
“…Really?”

Of course she was surprised. Nobody would ever guess that the Han Yeo-reum lying here was the same Han Yeo-reum who used to be a Vtuber. Anyone else would figure it was just someone else with the same name. In a way, it was practically a miracle that Toya managed to find me at all. What if the strap on that keychain Toya gave me had never broken? Then maybe we wouldn’t have ended up meeting face to face like this.

“Oh, it’s not like I’m disappointed or anything! If anything, I might like you better this way… pfft.”
“…Doesn’t it seem weird?”
“It’s totally weird!”

I knew it. My voice alone is nothing like before, not to mention my looks are completely opposite of what I showed on stream. I couldn’t bear to look at Toya’s bright, innocent grin any longer, so I squeezed my eyes shut. …Although, it wasn’t just that. My head hurt and was spinning, too.

“Someone who looks like a little snow fairy is named ‘Summer’… It’s like calling scorching ice ‘summer.’ Hehe. I think it’s cute, though.”
“Cute…?”

It’s the first time in my life anyone’s called me cute. I felt an urge to argue back, but I was using up all my strength just to groan in pain, so I kept my mouth shut. Even being sick requires energy, apparently. Maybe this is why my doctor always told me to exercise regularly and build stamina.

“Get better soon, okay? Once you’re well, let’s go have some fun together, yeah?”
“…?”

Feeling the sincerity in her grip on my hand, I slowly nodded. Right, I need to do that. Even if I can’t magically become strong, I at least have to get over this cold so we can hang out. Like before, back when my body hadn’t changed. The two of us, enjoying games together, having a blast…

Can I really go back to that?
Really?

“Don’t cry, Yeo-reum. Seeing you this weak makes me sad, too.”
“Can I… go back to how I was before?”
“…”

It’s impossible. Someone whose gender has changed doesn’t just revert back—things like that only happen in fiction. I can’t be a Vtuber or Han Yeo-reum anymore; could I really return to being who I once was? There’s no way, right? Desperate not to cry, I bit my lower lip, but a quiet sob escaped along with another cough.

“Even if I want to go back… sniff… I can’t…”

Maybe it was because I felt so terrible that I was getting emotional. Feelings I’d never shown anyone before spilled over. No. If this keeps up, I’m bound to say something awful to Toya. My body shuddered as I tried to clamp my mouth shut.

Get a grip, Han Yeo-reum.
Don’t hurt your friend—Toya—by running your mouth off.

“Toya, you don’t know anything.”

My losses. My pain. My worries. My sadness. Everything. We’d only met face to face for the first time today. Of course she didn’t understand. And here I was, throwing a tantrum over something so obvious. Ridiculous. Another regretful mistake I’d only blame on myself later. But—

“Well, if I don’t know, then I’ll learn from now on, right? I want to know lots of things about you, Yeo-reum.”

Yet you didn’t do what I expected. You didn’t just stop there—you smiled at my sorry state, as though everything I’d been worried about was trivial. My defenses collapsed. What was I so afraid of? This is just who Vtuber Yatogami Toya—this person called Toya—really is.

“Toya.”
“Yeah, Yeo-reum?”
“Will you hear me out?”

So I, too—
Just like you—

—

—

“So… this person used to be you, right?”
“Yeah.”

In the end, I told her everything. I even showed her photos of my original body, explaining things slowly, piece by piece. My voice shook, and I kept swallowing my tears, sounding so pitiful that I almost couldn’t stand it. But Toya patiently listened to every word. By the time I mentioned I’d once had a twin and that’s why my body had changed like this, she was staring at me with a strangely hopeful look.

“So there’s someone else who looks exactly like you? Wow, I’d love to see you two together!”
“…I doubt that’s possible. The doctor said it’s nearly impossible for them to still be alive.”
“S-sorry…”
“It’s fine. I never met them, so it doesn’t bother me. Honestly, it’s still hard to believe I had a twin in the first place.”

Toya looked genuinely apologetic, but I truly didn’t feel anything one way or the other. I’d spent over twenty years without even knowing a twin existed, so it was never on my mind. I decided to focus on the present. Like someone writing an autobiography, I laid out the story of my beginning and ending:

Han Yeo-reum, who was born and raised in an orphanage.
Han Yeo-reum, who started streaming after moving out on his own.
Han Yeo-reum, who became a Vtuber.
And now, me.

“Everything changed. I can’t even tell who I am anymore, and… that’s why I tried to run away.”
“But to me, you’re still all the same Yeo-reum.”
“…?”

All the same Yeo-reum. Is that how Toya sees it?
Only one person in this entire world.
The moment I realized that, my heart twinged. If I had just contacted her from the beginning, maybe none of this would have happened. Right. It’s all because I was so stupid—

“Yeo-reum, you’re thinking bad thoughts again, aren’t you? Like, ‘Everything’s my fault,’ or something.”
“… …”
“You always try to pin the blame on yourself.”

She reached out a slender finger and lightly rubbed my forehead. Don’t frown so much, Yeo-reum, Toya teased with a giggle, or you’ll get wrinkles. I pouted back at her. When I talk to Toya, everything feels like it’s no big deal. I hate that feeling—but somehow I like it, too.

“Toya, why are you being so nice to me? I mean, this is our first time meeting in person.”

Could I treat someone I’d just met with this much kindness? I mulled it over but concluded that I couldn’t. The real world isn’t full of nice people, and I’m certainly not one of the “good” ones. Showing so much concern for someone you’re meeting for the first time almost seems… otherworldly.

“I wouldn’t do this much for someone I just met either.”
“Then why…”
“Remember how we first met, Yeo-reum? Not this in-person meeting, but the very first time you and I crossed paths.”
“…Yeah.”

I could never forget. There’s still a clip of that moment floating around on I-Tube now and then. Right, it was back then. We were gaming, ended up on the same team, and I saw her username in Japanese. At the time, since I was using an English nickname, I assumed she might be Japanese too and reached out to her. I remember it clearly.

“Back then, I didn’t know any Korean, and you barely knew any Japanese.”
“That’s right.”

We cobbled together the few words we each knew, stumbling through communication, helping each other until we finally won that match. That’s how it started—we added each other as friends, realized we were both Vtubers, and felt a shared sense of surprise and camaraderie. But is that enough? Is that really reason enough to explain why Toya’s being so kind now? Just one game, one victory—just that little bit of connection.

“Yeo-reum.”
“…?”
“Sometimes people can find salvation in the simplest words.”

That’s what Toya said.
And what came next was not an explanation or rationale for her kindness, but rather Toya’s own story.

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