I Don’t Want to Play Villains Anymore - Chapter 36

I saw a monster.

“…What is this?”

The location is the movie theater at dawn.

A woman was continuously tapping her phone, looking anxious.

“This is, beyond comparison.”

The protagonist is Im Na-oun.

With black hair and yellow eyes, she was called a genius of acting.

Her fingertips, known for being always steady and overflowing with confidence, trembled slightly.

She repeatedly turned the screen off and on several times.

Yet, she couldn’t get used to it. No, the more she looked, the more unfamiliar it became. It felt terrifying.

Baek Ha-neul.

A five-year-old girl.

No, a monster.

She wasn’t just playing the character ‘Suha,’ she had ‘become’ the child.

[Do they just act in God’s kingdom?]

Ah, that one line. It contained so much.

Despite the absence of light in her eyes, that emptiness felt like an emotion.

Na-oun was smiling, but it felt chilly, perhaps she didn’t realize it.

Voice, gaze, timing, gestures. The flow of emotions was so natural… “How can a five-year-old do that?” that thought spun in her head.

They said acting was a skill.

But it was something that transcended skill.

Na-oun had spent years in this industry, primarily taking on villains. Countless sociopaths, psychopathy characters, weirdos, and cruel criminals.

Even one gaze involved two days of thought, and as for the sound of a sigh, she would adjust the timing, writing down everything next to the script.

But then, Baek Ha-neul appeared.

[I’ve been caught.]

There was no reason to act.

‘Suha’ was Baek Ha-neul, and Baek Ha-neul was Suha.

“……”

Na-oun silently placed her phone aside.

The screen turned off, and her face reflected in the black glass.

Her skin was good, she was made up, and even illuminated by makeup lights.

Yet, she felt strangely shabby.

As if she had nothing at all.

“d*mn…”

A curse slipped out of Na-oun’s mouth. It felt like saying more would make her look ugly, so she swallowed her next words inside.

After all, she was the only one who had arrived at the theater first.

“Are we really continuing this?”

The role Na-oun was taking now.

‘Adult Suha.’

The adult incarnation of that monster that would attract all viewers at the beginning of “The Villain’s Diary.”

When the viewers were bursting with expectations, she had to perform the challenging character called Suha.

Everyone would say.

[She was scarier as a child?]

[Isn’t she just acting emotions?]

[Underwhelming.]

[Get out.]

“I don’t even have to see it to know…”

Taking on a role is always frightening.

If the previous work was mediocre, there would at least be less pressure. But if the previous work was perfect…

That’s hell.

“Haah…”

Na-oun lowered her head.

No matter how much she tried to act, this was unavoidable.

“Total defeat…?”

Even without Jeong-woon, everyone could tell.

No matter how much Jeong-woon prepared, trying to control emotions while keeping her eyes open…

Haneul just had to ‘close her eyes once and breathe’ to freeze the viewers.

That was clearly not a level Na-oun could reach.

Acting spirit? Planning spirit? Genius?

Leaving all that aside…

The difference between Haneul and Na-oun was evident.

“sh*t.”

She buried her face in her hands.

The staff was all expecting the adult Suha.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up…”

This was the pressure of continuing a character.

Na-oun had to stand on top of a tower built by a five-year-old.

That tower was already so perfect that every brick Na-oun barely added would look like a flaw.

Despite that.

Despite that, Na-oun had to do it.

Soon?

“Because I’m an actor.”

If it collapses, so be it.

Na-oun wanted to at least resemble that child’s shadow.

Someday, she wanted to be able to say that she didn’t disappoint.

Even in a very distant future.

At the very least, to become someone she wanted to believe in.

“Alright. Let’s go. Let’s show them…”

In the ensuing scene, Na-oun acted with all her might.

It was clearly inferior acting compared to Haneul, but…

It wasn’t bad acting.

Su-a stared at me with her large, round eyes.

It was the gaze of “Is that really true?”

I couldn’t help but chuckle.

That gaze, which usually only shows itself when she’s being scolded…

Came out naturally now.

“Haneul, aren’t you going to the drama set?”

“Yeah. I feel like a twist. I appear only at the beginning and change into adult Suha in the second half… I shouldn’t go out and confuse the viewers.”

“I see…”

Su-a nodded her head, pouting a little as if disappointed.

“Still, I really want to see you, Haneul.”

“You’ll see when you grow up.”

I said that very clearly.

Though it sounded casual, my words contained precise calculations.

‘You still have time. It’s still early for you.’

Maybe if she saw me now, she would avoid me.

“Seeing it now would be too scary.”

“Uh, really?”

“If you cry, your mom will call my mom. Then I’ll get scolded. Then you’ll cry again, and there will be another call…”

I shrugged purposely, acting annoyed.

Su-a chuckled.

Her laughter was clear and light, like fresh air.

I looked at that child for a moment.

A child who is about to turn six.

Her chubby cheeks, talking mouth, and one hair that fails to stay behind her ear.

…So cute and precious.

“But, Haneul.”

“Yes?”

“Is this really your last activity? Are you never going to do it again?”

I was momentarily taken aback by Su-a’s question.

And I slowly shook my head.

“This is… just the first page.”

“First page…?”

“Yeah. I’m an actor. That doesn’t change. But I’m taking a break for now. I want to study more, get a bit bigger, and a bit… heavier.”

Heavy.

That didn’t just mean height or age.

Emotions. Responsibilities. Everything.

Acting now was ‘evil,’ and understanding that meant…

It surely meant being ‘grown-up.’

So I needed to take a break.

To become a sturdier person next time.

Su-a was quiet for a while and then held my hand tightly.

A small, warm hand. Soft and full of life.

“Haneul, you’re really cool. I want to be like you.”

…Like me?

I looked at Su-a, a bit surprised.

There was no hesitation in her young eyes.

“I want to act too. I want to be someone who can make someone cry and laugh like Haneul.”

“…Then, I’ll give you some advice.”

“Really?!”

I quietly smiled. Advice?

I never imagined I would be able to say such words in this short life across both past and present.

“First, acting is about understanding that person.”

“Understanding that person?”

“Yeah. Like acting like me, and eventually realizing Suha really was like that.”

“….”

“And second, even if you understand that person, never, ever become that person.”

I said firmly.

That was the biggest lesson I learned while acting as Suha.

If you fall too deeply into it, you won’t be able to rise to the surface.

That’s not just acting; it’s self-collapse.

“What’s the third?”

“The third is…”

I held Su-a’s hand tightly once.

“More important than acting is smiling like you are now. Don’t lose that smile.”

Su-a blushed and nodded slightly.

Then she asked very slowly.

“…When will Haneul be back on TV?”

“When the opportunity comes.”

I teased, making my eyes wide.

“And when you grow up enough to see.”

At those words, Su-a paused for a moment, then suddenly smiled brightly.

“Then I just have to grow up quickly!”

“Yes. So for now, go home, eat, and get some sleep.”

“Okay! Got it.”

With a bright reply, Su-a ran off.

I quietly watched her retreating figure.

Now it was time to quietly leave the stage.

Just for a moment.

I will prepare once more for another spotlight.

To shine, after all, requires light.

***

Slurp.

<"The Villain's Diary" average viewership rating 27%... aiming for 'the highest ever'>

<"The Villain's Diary" episode 2 highlight ratings soar to 5.1%. God-like acting>

<"He's in his prime now, where is Han Suha?">

Slurp.

With the sound of sucking every last drop without holding back, the straw entered a vacuum state.

A rich fruit scent permeated the car.

Inside the black car.

The air conditioning was on just right, and the windows were neatly tinted so that the outside view was hidden.

And inside, the man sitting in the passenger seat slowly turned his gaze and spoke.

“Hey. You really did well, didn’t you?”

In his hand was a convenience store peach juice.

Quiet admiration lay on his lips.

Joo Hae-jun.

Na Jae-hyeon’s manager and a well-known figure in the entertainment industry, often described as ‘the best eye’ for talent.

Whether it’s a true talent or just instinct, he was good at spotting potential.

In the backseat, Na Jae-hyeon looked out the window, exhaling a short breath instead of answering. And slowly turned his head.

“…Yes.”

Just one word.

Short, but the emotion was clear.

Understanding.

Sympathy.

And… a slight hint of frustration.

Joo Hae-jun didn’t let go of it.

“Hey, are you offended?”

He slightly misunderstood but asked with amusement, peering over the driver’s seat.

“No, no. I’m not saying you should be jealous. You really did well.”

“I know.”

“So don’t misunderstand. I’m your fan. I’ve always said it, right? You have this unique indifferent vibe. But Haneul has… that raw talent.”

Jae-hyeon slightly raised an eyebrow.

It wasn’t jealousy.

If he were to name that feeling, it was just… something slightly frustrating.

[Im Na-oun, ‘Baek Haneul is a genius, I can’t even measure up’ netizens burst out laughing…]

After seeing that particular headline, he didn’t force himself to see it all, but he ended up reading everything.

– I almost suffocated watching “The Villain’s Diary.”

– I’ve never seen a child actor like that.

– What crime has Im Na-oun committed… the opponent is Haneul.

– It was truly psycho… scary yet great ㄷㄷ.

“Jae-hyeon.”

Joo Hae-jun set down his drink on the passenger seat, turning to Jae-hyeon.

Jae-hyeon sat still, looking out the window, without moving.

“You do your acting. It’s okay. For now, you’re at the stage of devouring everything, but after the drama, there will definitely be opportunities to quietly look back on it.”

“…Will there?”

“Of course. Also, it’s a problem that you’re doing too well. A real actor becomes uninteresting if they ‘complete’ too quickly.”

Jae-hyeon slowly turned his head.

Joo Hae-jun shrugged and smiled.

“You’re still in the process of being built. So you’ll last longer. You might be at your peak now.”

Jae-hyeon didn’t answer.

That wasn’t wrong.

But the deep-rooted doubt embedded somewhere in his mind remained… just as it was.

‘Baek Haneul.’

The name brought an alien sense of disharmony.

Even knowing it was acting, a chill ran down his spine at that minuscule difference.

‘I feel like she will grow even more.’

This was a type of acting that couldn’t simply be explained by the word ‘genius.’

‘This can’t be the end, right? Deumbae-nim?’

Na Jae-hyeon smirked at the thought.

He awaited the day he would be called Deumbae by others.

And.

Twelve years passed.