I Don’t Want to Play Villains Anymore - Chapter 17

That…

The next day arrived after the first filming ended.

It was filmed so passionately that the phrase “burned brightly” seems fitting.

“Whoo…”

Balancing my filming and school life is tough; I can only imagine how school will be…

Ugh. I’m already getting a headache.

“…Darn.”

“Haneul, let’s draw!”

“…Okay.”

This might be a bit unnecessary to say, but these days my stress level is hitting an all-time high.

If you ask why… it’s simply because of school.

Ah, it’s not like I’m being bullied at school.

Everyone says I’m pretty and likes me, and even the teachers are excessively kind.

Besides, most kids treat me as a cute friend.

But that’s not the problem.

The biggest issue is… I can no longer vent about my life as a child actor.

If I whine about how tough acting is to Seo Hyun-woo, who applied for the same role, that would be… obvious.

I can’t even imagine how this little one’s feelings would change if I were to unconsciously say, “Ah, Hyun-woo, I’m struggling. Acting is so hard…”

Hyun-woo is currently losing confidence, and to brag in front of him would be cruel.

Due to this situation, I find myself thoroughly avoiding any mention of my acting life at school.

Even the teachers, who used to seem indifferent, now tend to look out for me.

Since I’m known as the young actor at school, I know that if anyone said anything bad about me, there would be backlash.

I had to give up on living a normal school life.

Because adults are being so overtly protective, the other kids find it hard to approach me.

It’s not that they dislike me, but I seem to be perceived as someone hard to talk to.

“Ugh, am I becoming an outcast…?”

Of course, I won’t worry too much about that, but the problem is that I have no one to vent to.

My acting life is getting busier, and acting is no longer a hobby I can easily escape to.

I have plenty of things to vent about.

I’ve become close to Na Jae-hyeon, and I can talk to my dad and mom, but…

“Hyun-woo is the only one at school.”

Hyun-woo, these days, seems to be getting more and more disheartened while watching me act.

Of course, he doesn’t openly show it, but I can tell by his eyes.

Since that day we watched auditions together, Hyun-woo has changed in a subtle way.

He used to joke with me a lot and initiate conversations, but now he seems to keep his distance.

He’s not outright avoiding me, but there’s an awkward gap that has formed.

“…Ah, this is really annoying.”

I was working on assigned tasks at school.

Coloring assignments and drawing things like that.

Honestly, it’s not very fun.

“Honestly, I’d rather just act.”

There’s another reason why I’m stressed at school.

Even if we play the same kid role, everything is taken quite seriously in the filming environment.

The camera rolls, there’s a script, and the art of acting is presented distinctly.

But at school, everything is just ordinary.

It’s not because the kids are like that; it’s all too simple and mundane.

Teachers just smile while watching kids play, laugh, and cry.

Of course, that’s a good thing, but it just feels boring to me.

As my acting experiences increase, I’m starting to crave something more.

Staying as just a cute little kid won’t satisfy my desire.

I want to act more deeply and convey more emotions.

But this school environment feels like a prison that stifles that craving.

“Haneul, try coloring here.”

I heard the teacher’s cheerful voice.

I looked up at her.

Honestly, I want to rebel…

“Okay.”

I have no choice.

I slowly moved my hand and started to work on my coloring book.

To be honest, this stuff is incredibly boring.

My mind was already drifting back to the filming environment.

The acting competition with Na Jae-hyeon, the admiration of Choi Woo-a, the acknowledgment of Director Yoon Seok-won.

All of that motivated me.

“I must definitely prove myself in this film.”

With that determination, I looked back at the picture I was coloring.

It was supposed to be simply coloring the lips red, but for some reason, the crayon had broken.

The face, of course, and the whole background were covered in a bright red ‘red flavor.’

“Whew. This is a bit of a mess…”

The anticipated lip coloring attempt was a failure.

My eyes, nose, mouth, hair, clothes, background, and even the plush doll drawn beside me were all drenched in vivid red.

It was less a drawing and more like a depiction of hell.

In the midst of that, the crayon I was holding was broken.

All that was left on my fingers was bright red powder.

“Oh dear…”

I muttered without even realizing it.

“Haneul…?”

At that moment, the teacher approached me.

And when she looked at my drawing…

Silence.

She froze like a video that suddenly stopped after seeing just one drawing.

“…Haneul. This… what… what kind of drawing is this?”

The teacher’s expression was pale, as if she faced some terrible truth.

Her eyes held fear, surprise, and a hint of disbelief.

‘Oh, no… this is serious.’

I shouted inwardly.

‘No matter how I look at it, this looks like bl**d. No, at this level, it’s excessive bleeding.’

One friend next to me quietly looked at my drawing and whispered.

“Haneul! Is this the plush doll? Is bl**d coming from its eyes?”

…I had nothing to say.

Ultimately, I was dragged to the principal’s office and had to do my best to prove that I had feelings in front of the teachers, who were forcing smiles.

From now on, I should just draw yellow sunflowers.

Yeah. I should only draw sunflowers that are smiling happily…

Just to be completely drained.

After returning home from school…

“Haneul, you were at school today.”

Dad was playing airplane with me, lifting me up with one hand.

A bright smile was forming on normally serious Dad’s face.

What’s going on? Isn’t he supposed to be smiling soon?

No, this isn’t the time to be smiling…

“School? What about school?”

At my words, Dad nodded slowly and replied.

“The teacher said she was worried. That our Haneul is… acting a bit strange.”

At that moment, Dad again lifted me high and burst into laughter.

This situation felt strange. It was unnerving.

“…What’s strange? Did I do something wrong?”

“Um. Well, the teacher said you draw a bit fearfully.”

Ah. Did they even call?

I carefully glanced at Dad, worried about what he might say.

“I’m proud of you. You’re just like me.”

Oh.

“…What?”

I looked up at Dad with wide eyes.

Did I just misunderstand something? Or am I completely misreading this situation?

“No, I mean…”

Dad smiled and sat me back on his knee.

“Haneul, about that drawing you made.”

“That… the bl**d ocean doll and the sun…?”

“Yeah, that one.”

I swallowed hard.

‘Is he being sarcastic?’

Somehow, I thought maybe Dad would do that…

Dad spoke seriously.

“People fear perfection.”

“Fear…?”

“Yes. Fear.”

Dad smiled a gentle smile as he slowly sat me on his knee.

Mom, finding it cute to witness Dad lecturing me for the first time, quickly turned on the camera.

“How old is Haneul?”

“Five years old…”

I answered with a slightly timid voice.

Even for Dad, it was the first time he had spoken so seriously, so I felt somewhat nervous.

“Five years old…”

Dad chuckled lightly and gently ruffled my hair.

His gaze remained serious, yet it contained warmth.

“At that age, your acting was more remarkable than some famous celebrities I defended.”

“…Really?”

I felt a flutter of uncertainty.

The people Dad meets are usually so famous that just hearing their names feels familiar.

Since I was a former actor, I knew how impressive that was to some extent.

But Dad valued me more than those people.

“Yeah. Really.”

Dad said calmly.

“The actors I defended could make people cry and laugh, and sometimes create chaos.”

Dad’s hand slowly landed on my shoulder.

That gentle yet heavy touch felt like it was trying to convey something important to me.

“But, Haneul, what you have is different from them.”

“…Different?”

“Right. They have the ability to perfectly deceive people through acting. That’s not a bad thing; in fact, it’s a wonderful thing.”

Dad paused briefly and looked straight at me.

His eyes seemed infinitely careful, as if he wanted to make sure I wouldn’t misunderstand anything.

“But Haneul, you have the power to show something deeper than they do. You really feel that moment through your performance.”

I tilted my head a bit.

I had never heard such an evaluation before.

“Is that… impressive?”

“Very impressive. Truly impressive.”

Dad spoke with certainty.

“Your acting has the power to make people truly feel fear.”

Fear. That word pierced my heart once more.

“You said people fear perfection, right?”

Dad continued the explanation.

“Your acting is so perfect that it makes the audience believe that moment is real.”

“……”

“That’s the scary part, Haneul. Your acting looks real. No, it’s even more than that. It has the power to make them believe in what isn’t real.”

I pondered over Dad’s words.

“So… I make people scared by acting too well?”

“Yeah. That’s precisely your talent. People fear what they cannot understand. And your acting made that possible.”

Dad looked into my eyes and nodded slowly.

“But Haneul. This is a truly precious talent. Depending on how you use it in the future, this talent can become an incredible power.”

“Power…?”

“Right. You can captivate people through acting, shake their emotions, and even have an impact on their lives.”

“……”

“If you learn how to utilize that power properly, Haneul, you’ll be more than just a good actor. You’ll be someone who leaves a strong impression in people’s hearts.”

Listening to Dad’s words, I felt a little frightened.

But at the same time, I felt a strange spark of excitement in my heart.

“So… what should I do?”

“Practice more, learn more, and dig deeper.”

Dad patted my head affectionately.

“And you shouldn’t fear your acting. Your acting is something no one else can replicate.”

“……”

“Remember, Haneul. Your acting goes beyond doing well—it has the power to leave a strong impression on people.”

Dad’s eyes were firm yet serious.

It seemed he had something profound to convey.

I nodded slowly.

I might not fully understand all his words, but one thing was certain.

My acting was something special.

And that I could use that uniqueness as my weapon.

“Haneul. Show more.”

Dad smiled gently.

“It’s okay to be greedy and want everything.”

“Dad…”

I felt moved.

No one had ever spoken to me like this throughout my past life.

By the way…

Did he say I resemble Dad?

“…By the way, what did Dad get suspected of being a psycho for?”

Dad chuckled.

…This feels a bit unsettling.

“Oh. I stabbed a boy who was bothering your mom with scissors.”

“Pff.”

“Dear! Don’t say that to the kid…!”

“If the kid asks, I have to tell.”

“Still, this isn’t right…!”

That… is definitely psycho, right…?

Amid the bickering between my mom and dad, I slipped out and went into my room.

Throwing myself onto the large bunny doll, I couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“Hehe.”

This family becomes more interesting as time goes on.