I Became the Eldest Daughter of 10 Siblings - Chapter 99

"Jaehyun-ah."

"Yes, noona."

"Flowers bloom even in winter."

"...Flowers?"

Moon Jaehyun, who was driving, looked around.

"Can't you see them?"

"I only see bare trees lining the street..."

"You're looking in the wrong place. Look here."

I tapped Moon Jaehyun's shoulder. Moon Jaehyun glances at my face.

I pointed to my mouth with my finger and smiled.

"...A flower of laughter."

Seeing my smile, Moon Jaehyun chuckles.

"It's in full bloom. All colorful."

"Hehehe..."

I feel refreshed as if walking on clouds. I feel so good I could fly away like a butterfly.

"Well, it's natural for a smile to bloom on noona's lips. Yeon Sangho will be buried and have a memorial service set up for him tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, of course."

I looked down at the street covered in white snow through the car window. There were numerous white footprints made by people. Christmas was over, but outside was still a snowfield.

The car is passing through light flurries of snow. 10 minutes before arrival. We're on our way to the filming location for the public service announcement.

Moon Jaehyun said with a dry laugh.

"By the way, Yeon Sangho sure has some nerve. A guy who secretly films hidden cameras is shamelessly appearing in an anti-illegal filming advertisement."

"I know, right? And it's even more amazing that he's co-starring in that ad with me."

"Exactly. It's like a joke of fate."

This filming will probably be Yeon Sangho's last schedule.

Just like how mud underneath is revealed when snow melts, Yeon Sangho's ugly true face will be exposed to the world tomorrow morning when the morning newspaper comes out.

I wonder what that bastard will babble about today?

He'll probably be cheerfully blabbering without knowing the invisible guillotine blade is above his head. The reality of falling as steeply as his raised shoulders will come as a shock to him.

Is it because I know the ending? I want to see Yeon Sangho quickly, even though he's someone I didn't even want to meet in my dreams before.

Suddenly, the title of a Japanese movie I saw before flashes through my mind.

Be with You...

"Hehehe!"

I covered my mouth with both hands and laughed again.

"Are you that happy?"

"Of course. Laughing brings good fortune."

This is crazy. My laughter shows no signs of stopping, like hiccups. The corners of my mouth keep twitching because of sweet thoughts.

While I'm at it, I changed my KakaoTalk status message too.

[Han Yujin's status message]

Just 10 seconds after changing my status message, my phone rang with a ding.

It was Rilme.

[Hong Jihye: Hey]

[Hong Jihye: Your status message lol wtf]

[Hong Jihye: Is that an ahegao double peace sign??]

What kind of vulgar nonsense is this?

Ahegao double peace sign!

[Han Yujin: Excuse me]

[Han Yujin: It's a victory V sign]

[Han Yujin: =(]

[Hong Jihye: Sure it is ㅡㅡ]

[Hong Jihye: Drool is dripping from your mouth,,]

[Hong Jihye: So lewd, so lewd]

[Hong Jihye: You pervert Han Yujin]

Oh, come on!

If Winston Churchill heard this, he'd faint and rise from his grave.

[Han Yujin: It's not like that]

[Han Yujin: #Winston Churchill victory V sign]

[Han Yujin: Study some history]

[Hong Jihye: Thanks for educating me]

[Hong Jihye: But did you know?]

[Hong Jihye: If you flip the V sign upside down]

[Hong Jihye: It means let's go to bed]

[Hong Jihye: Wanna flip it upside down?]

This, this... lust witch, really!

I took a selfie showing my middle finger as a sign of rejection and sent it.

[Han Yujin: (Selfie giving the finger)]

[Han Yujin: Fck off]

[Hong Jihye: Omgomgomg]

[Hong Jihye: A precious selfie in such a humble place,,]

[Hong Jihye: That condemning look is insane]

[Hong Jihye: It's totally sexy vicky]

[Hong Jihye: I'll add it to my collection ^.<]

[Hong Jihye: Now I have no regrets even if I die,,]

[Hong Jihye: But if I die I can't see HaYoo]

[Hong Jihye: I won't die]

[Han Yujin: Get lost]

She's being overly affectionate in every way possible.

If there was a Guinness record for fussing, this woman would surely be world number one.

[Hong Jihye: From Han Yujin's newbie days]

[Hong Jihye: The effort of raising you has paid off]

[Hong Jihye: Come!!]

[Hong Jihye: Hug your kind mommy!!]

[Hong Jihye: Quickly!!]

[Han Yujin: I was never a newbie]

[Han Yujin: And I don't like pervert mommies]

[Hong Jihye: Aw why,,,]

[Hong Jihye: You flirted first with your status message..]

[Han Yujin: I did no such thing]

[Han Yujin: #A pig only sees pigs, a Buddha only sees Buddhas]

[Hong Jihye: Wrong]

[Hong Jihye: My eyes only see HaYoo]

[Hong Jihye: =(]

[Han Yujin: ?]

[Hong Jihye: ?]

Anyway, I'm the idiot for expecting a rational conversation with this person.

I ended the conversation and hummed a tune. Then I applied lip tint while looking in the passenger seat sun visor mirror.

The car stopped smoothly at a red light.

"By the way, noona."

"Yes?"

Moon Jaehyun, who had been glancing at me, spoke hesitantly.

"Your vibe seems to have changed a lot."

Huh? Vibe?

Vibe...

What kind of vibe did I have originally?

I closed the lip tint cap and smacked my lips. I turned my head this way and that, checking my cherry-colored lips.

Hmm, I was skeptical since it was a lip tint recommended by Han Sumin, but the color payoff is good. It tastes sweet too, so it feels like I'm licking candy.

Thinking that, I asked back.

"What kind of vibe?"

"Uh, well..."

Moon Jaehyun hesitated before speaking.

"How should I put it, a bit more..."

A bit more?

"Feminine feeling?"

The corners of my mouth, which had been dancing, stiffen harshly. A chill ran up my spine.

More feminine?

Who? Me?

Uh... this is quite a shock.

No. Let's stay calm first. I might have misheard.

I cleared my throat and asked again.

"You said I'm holy?"

"No."

Moon Jaehyun shook his head firmly.

"I said feminine. Fe-mi-nine."

"......"

This can't be.

It feels like I've been stabbed in the chest. This time it hurts more and feels heavier than usual.

Hearing it from someone else, especially Moon Jaehyun, the main editor who watches my videos all day while working, makes the dagger feel even sharper.

Suddenly, the air feels like it's cooling down as if frost is forming.

My inner feelings froze, then began to shatter.

"That can't be..."

My eyes met my reflection in the sun visor mirror. My eyes, filled with anxiety, shook unsteadily.

In fact, I had vaguely noticed it too.

That I was gradually changing.

Even though I knew, I deliberately covered it up and avoided it.

Because I was scared.

...When did it start?

When I first wore a dress?

When I first got my ears pierced?

When I first wore high heels?

Or if not those,

When I started internet broadcasting?

...Ah, whatever!

The important thing is that an indescribable, subtle emotion bloomed in my chest. Whether it was pleasure or displeasure. Elation or humiliation.

Whatever that emotion was, it meant I was changing.

"You used to have a chic and androgynous feel. That was one of your charm points. Now it's more like an all-rounder type."

Unaware of my burning inner turmoil, Moon Jaehyun adds words like a finishing blow.

"Well, can a person stay the same forever? Life changes in countless ways. The fans seem to like the current you more too."

Stop it, you bastard!

How can you thoughtlessly rub salt in my wounds like this?

The good feelings melted away like snow, and in an instant, depression filled me. My mind became a mess like trampled snow.

...I'm really going crazy.

It feels like tinnitus is ringing in my ears.

'Order. The respondent Han Yujin is dismissed from being male. Forever.'

It felt devastating, as if receiving a final sentence from God.

What am I really going to do?

I want to seek advice if I could. But even if I search the whole world like combing for lice, there's no way there'd be someone who changed gender like me.

I thought about getting counseling at a hospital, but if I told my story, would they even believe me? I'd be lucky if they didn't label me as mentally ill.

"This is driving me crazy..."

What am I really, really going to do?

I saw in a documentary that male deer shed their antlers in winter, periodically removing the antlers on their heads.

But even if they remove their antlers, they're still male.

But what about me?

It's like the antlers on my head disappeared without warning on my birthday, and my gender changed to female overnight.

At this rate, will I really... completely forget the face of my original self from my past life?

"Ah, really..."

I sighed, rubbing my dry face.

"This is annoying."

"Pardon?"

"I said it's annoying!"

I threw the lip tint into my pouch bag irritably. Then I quietly leaned my head against the passenger window.

Moon Jaehyun, finally realizing the cold atmosphere, became restless.

"...Noona?"

"What."

"I didn't say something wrong, did I?"

"I don't know."

"Are you angry?"

"I don't know."

"Do, do you want some coffee?"

"I don't know."

"I, I bought Dubai chocolate, do you want some?"

"I don't know."

"No more 'I don't know' from now on."

"I don- ...ahem."

Moon Jaehyun asked again.

"Noona, you're angry, right?"

"...I don't know."

"Why are you being childish? English is banned too. All foreign languages are banned."

Moon Jaehyun asked quietly with an expression of having the upper hand.

"Noona, what are you upset about?"

"Well."

"'Well' is the same as 'I don't know'!"

Faced with my curt answers, Moon Jaehyun bit his nails.

"How can you not know your own feelings! If it's not my fault, that's fortunate at least..."

"It is fortunate."

I snorted loudly and muttered.

"If it's not your fault."

"...Pardon?"

I started blowing on the passenger window and writing letters with my finger.

It was a resentful curse.

[Moon Jaehyun,,, I'll curse you,,,]

Seeing my writing, Moon Jaehyun was startled as if he'd seen a ghost.

"Aaah, so you are angry! What is it! What did I do wrong!"

I wrote out Moon Jaehyun's crimes on the window with a squeaking sound.

[Crime of hurting feelings,,,]

Moon Jaehyun's face turned pale.

"Please. I'm really scared. Can't you point out where exactly you got angry? I really can't figure it out no matter how much I think..."

[You really don't know?]

"No..."

[Crime of not knowing feelings added]

"What's the crime of not knowing feelings..."

[I'll definitely curse you,,,]

"Eek!"

You're in big trouble now.

A TS ghost is scarier than a virgin ghost or a grudge ghost.

"Noona, I'm sorry!"

Moon Jaehyun, who was in a panic, finally begged like a fly rubbing its hands together.

Anyone watching would think he's a husband getting beaten.

"I really don't want to be hated by you of all people. I'll fix it, so please tell me. Okay?"

It looks like tears are about to roll down Moon Jaehyun's reddened face at any moment.

After holding back, I finally burst out laughing because his expression looked so cute.

"Ah, this is really hilarious! It's a joke, a joke!"

Only after confirming my carefree laughter did Moon Jaehyun's expression soften.

"Just scold me instead, scold me. There are already ominous rumors circulating on the internet that I won't live out my natural lifespan if I incur your grudge..."

"What are you talking about, really!"

I slapped his back. Only then did Moon Jaehyun laugh along.

The air in the car became warm again.

I stretched out both arms forward. A refreshing energy pounded through my whole body.

Yeah, what am I worrying about?

Even if I think about it to the point of getting a headache, it's a problem without an answer anyway.

It's not like I can go back even if I stare endlessly at the road I came from.

So let's think lightly, lightly.

If you can't avoid it, enjoy it.

Let's live like that.

"Jaehyun-ah."

"Yes, noona."

But still...

Someday I'll have to decide on a path, right?

Whether to live as a man or as a woman.

In front of two paths where I don't know which is paradise and which is hell,

What choice should I make?

Without a compass or signpost.

So I asked on impulse.

"Which do you prefer?"

"Which what?"

"Me from before or me now."

"I..."

The traffic light turned green.

The stopped car made an engine sound and moved forward.

"I like now better."

"Why?"

A moment of silence followed.

Moon Jaehyun answered confidently.

"Because you look happier now."