I Can See a VTuber’s Red Pills - Chapter 33

Thump.

My heart plummeted into an unseen abyss far below.

The sensation of the ground beneath me vanishing.

No, had there ever been any ground to stand on in the first place?

My sense of reality melted away, and I felt as if I’d been thrown into a vast, empty void.

A flashy effect filled the monitor screen, accompanied by an even flashier number, and above it, a clear message.

[Zelnaga has sponsored you with 10,000,000 Butter!]

[I like you. You’ve caught my eye. Wanna be secret friends with this mister??]

I couldn’t move a single finger.

My chest felt so tight it was as if I’d forgotten how to breathe.

On the screen, Yoon Sol’s avatar, which had been smiling awkwardly, also froze.

It was as if time had shattered like broken glass, the sound of it scattering echoing in my ears.

‘No. I must have seen it wrong.’

I tried to deny it, but the scene before my eyes was far too vivid.

That dazzling number, that message engraving itself onto my mind.

And that nickname, which had instantly frozen the chat window before causing it to explode uncontrollably.

‘Zelnaga.’

The hottest name in the VTuber world these days.

The owner of that immense capital, who had turned the VTubers Ajung and Rinne into the brightest stars overnight.

‘…Why me? How come?’

I couldn’t understand it at all.

Barely ten viewers.

A few song videos and clumsy chatting clips were all I had.

Why would he target my stream, which was like a speck of dust, common everywhere? For what reason?

And that message.

‘I like you. You’ve caught my eye.’

Up to that point, I might have been able to interpret it positively somehow.

He might have genuinely enjoyed my singing.

But.

‘Wanna be secret friends with this mister??’

Secret friends.

Those two words gouged Yoon Sol’s eardrums like sharp ice picks.

Every nerve cell in my body screamed, sending danger signals.

My head began to throb as if it would break.

A chilling coldness slithered up my spine like a snake.

‘…I don’t want to.’

Suddenly, my vision flashed white.

The sound of music with an intense beat, so loud it made my ears ring.

Blinding stage lights pouring in from all directions.

The air, thick with suffocating heat and anticipation.

The expectant gazes of countless people directed at me.

The debut team selection evaluation.

The memory of that hellish day, which had dragged my entire life into the abyss, rushed over me like an avalanche.

‘You can do it, Yoon Sol. It’s okay. You’re the best. Just do well today, just today. It’s been four years. You’ve run for four years just for this day.’

I tried to hide my trembling legs, reassuring myself over and over.

Times stained with blood, sweat, and tears.

I had survived the fierce competition with my colleagues.

This was the moment all that effort would bear fruit.

Choreography repeated thousands, tens of thousands of times.

A song my body remembered.

All I had to do was not make a mistake.

No, a mistake was not an option.

This stage had everything of mine riding on it.

But was it because I was overly nervous?

My body wouldn’t move.

My part had clearly begun, but my voice wouldn’t come out.

As if blocked by an invisible wall, no matter how I tried to scream, the sound got stuck in my throat.

My mind went blank as if scorched white, and no thoughts came.

All the muscles in my body stiffened heavily.

My heart pounded like it would break my ribs.

I couldn’t breathe.

I felt like I would suffocate from the fear rising up to my chin.

‘No! Move! Sing! Please!’

I screamed desperately in my mind, but my body betrayed my will.

The music flowed on heartlessly, and only an awkward, anxious silence lingered on the stage.

The faces of my fellow members, looking at me with bewildered expressions from the side.

I could feel the expressions of the officials filling the audience seats turning cold.

Those cold gazes, where expectation turned to disappointment, and disappointment to anger, pierced my entire body.

“You’re finished.”

After everything was over, someone threw those cold words at me as I sat alone in the dressing room.

That voice branded Yoon Sol’s remaining life like a death sentence.

It wasn’t a simple mistake.

At a crucial moment, I couldn’t overcome the pressure and crumbled.

A cruel judgment that I had talent, but not the vessel to display it.

A cold proof that I didn’t deserve to be on stage.

After that, everything collapsed in an instant.

The tower I had built for four years vanished like dust.

Pitying glances, or blatant ridicule.

Whispers from behind.

‘She totally froze up back then. Because of her, the other kids in the same group all got screwed over too.’

‘She only has a pretty face, her mentality is terrible. How can she debut like that?’

‘Rumor has it she was always a bit unstable? So, maybe something happened with someone high up in the company? Like she tried to get a sponsor, but it didn’t work out, so she had a mental breakdown.’

Sponsor.

Even then, such dirty rumors followed me like a tag.

People always tried to belittle the achievements and talents I had earned through blood and sweat in an easy way.

Malicious gazes that trampled on effort and desperation.

Just like the nuance this phrase ‘secret friend’ carried now.

‘…No! It’s different from back then!’

I desperately shook my head.

I had to get a grip.

This was my safe room.

Nobody knew me.

This was a place where I hid behind the mask of a VTuber, communicating only with my voice.

It was different from then.

But my whole body was already trembling uncontrollably.

Cold sweat poured down like rain, soaking the nape of my neck.

I tried to calm my ragged breath, but my lungs still refused oxygen.

On the monitor, Zelnaga’s message still hung there, like a devil’s whisper.

As if mocking Yoon Sol’s deepest wound.

More than the unpleasantness of the words ‘secret friend’ themselves, it was the past memories triggered by those words, the fact that I had once again become the center of unbearable attention and expectation, that drove her to extreme fear.

This was no different from those gazes back then.

Gazes expecting my talent and effort.

And therefore, dangerous attention that could plunge me back into the abyss at any moment.

-[????]

-[What’s this? Is it real?]

-[Wow, crazy Zelnaga kekekekekekeke]

-[Boss Zelnaga came too kekekekekeke]

-[Sht, is Boss Zelnaga going to raise our Solar too????]

-[Secret friends with the mister kekekekekekeke Boss Zelnaga is still the same kekekekekeke]

-[But why isn’t Solar reacting? Is she brain-dead??]

-[Solar’s brain stopped kekekekekekeke]

-[Solar really froze up… But with that amount, it’s understandable hahaha]

The chat window, belatedly grasping the situation, began to stir.

Some congratulated Yoon Sol, some marveled at Zelnaga’s appearance, and others wondered why Solar wasn’t reacting.

‘…What should I say?’

Should I say thank you?

Or should I tell him not to joke around?

Or should I pretend I don’t know and move on?

My mind was a tangled mess, unable to organize any thoughts.

Only my lips trembled.

“Uh… umm…”

I barely managed to squeeze out my voice, but it came out trembling like a goat’s bleat.

“Th-thank you! R-really, thank you! B-but, by any chance… do you… do you know me? Or, perhaps, did you mistake me for someone else? I-I’m not really anyone special…”

It was a foolish and servile question.

I didn’t even know what I was saying myself.

But the best Yoon Sol could do right now was to hope that this situation was somehow a mistake, that this terrible attention was not directed at her.

‘Please tell me it was a mistake.’

‘Tell me this was just a laughable incident.’

‘Just go find someone else. Please.’

But there was no answer.

Zelnaga made no further move after that message.

Only the chat window burned more boisterously.

-[Sent it by mistake kekekekekeke Solar is so cute kekekekeke]

-[There’s no way Boss Zelnaga would send it by mistake kekekekeke]

-[It’s not 100,000 won, how could he send 10 million by mistake kekekekeke]

-[Frankly, is that even money to him? Sht, he even started a VTuber company because he thought it would be fun.]

-[Does this mean Solar-nim is joining Starlight too???]

-[Solar, you made it! kekekekekekeke]

-[Boss Zelnaga picked you after Ajung and Rinne kekeke]

‘Made it? Next? Starlight?’

Those words flew like sharp fragments again, embedding themselves in my heart.

Expectation, pressure, evaluation and competition that might start all over again.

I felt the blood drain from my body, turning cold.

Breathing became increasingly difficult.

My vision spun.

I felt like throwing up.

“Ah, uh, everyone, I’m sorry. T-today, suddenly, I’m not feeling well… I-I think I have to end the broadcast here. I’m s-sorry! I’m really sorry!”

I couldn’t bear it any longer.

Yoon Sol, almost sobbing, hurriedly pressed the broadcast end button.

She had no time to care about the viewers’ outcry or the chat window’s reactions.

The screen turned black, and a heavy silence, deafening enough to make her ears ring, once again descended upon the room.

Yoon Sol remained slumped in her chair, gasping for breath.

Her entire body trembled uncontrollably like a leaf.

Her palms were damp, and her heart still pounded violently as if it would leap out of her chest.

‘What do I do… What do I do…?’

Tears I had held back burst forth, streaming down my cheeks.

I had run away again.

I had finally mustered the courage to try and start over in this small space, hiding my face and communicating only with my voice…

I had messed it up again.

‘Am I… am I really not cut out for this?’

Was the act of standing before people, no, just being the center of someone’s attention, the pressure of having to meet those expectations, an inescapable curse for me?

Zelnaga.

Who on earth was that person?

Why, out of so many people, was it me?

Did he really have bad intentions?

Or was it just the whim of a rich person?

Or perhaps, did he genuinely like my song?

That possibility scared me even more.

I was afraid I’d get my hopes up.

Afraid I’d embrace hope again, only to be cruelly crushed.

No. That couldn’t be it.

No matter how outstanding my singing was, he wouldn’t pour ten million won, that kind of attention, just for a mere song.

There’s no such thing as pure goodwill in this world.

There must be some other motive.

Yoon Sol turned on the internet with trembling hands.

She typed ‘Zelnaga’ into the search bar.

Countless posts poured out.

Community posts, reactions from other VTubers.

He was truly an incredible person, beyond imagination.

Overwhelming financial power, full support for Ajung and Rinne, and the recently established ‘Xelnaga Entertainment’ and ‘Starlight Project’.

He wasn’t just a big spender.

He was the eye of a huge typhoon, changing the landscape of the VTuber scene.

Then it made even less sense.

He already had perfectly successful VTubers like Ajung and Rinne, so why show interest in a failure like me?

Could it be that he truly recognized my talent?

Was he trying to help me get back on my feet?

‘No, don’t count your chickens before they hatch, Yoon Sol.’

I warned myself.

Expectation always brings greater despair.

There’s no such thing as unearned goodwill in this world.

Especially not in this industry.

She picked up her phone.

It felt like she should leave some message on her fan cafe or SNS after abruptly ending the stream.

There might be fans worried about the sudden termination.

But her fingers wouldn’t move.

What should I write?

That I wasn’t feeling well?

Or that the internet connection was unstable?

Any excuse felt pathetic.

Eventually, she put down her phone and threw herself onto the bed.

She burrowed into the cold blanket, curling up her body.

Even when she closed her eyes, the forgotten trauma of the past, now resurfaced, tormented her mind.

‘I’m scared…’

I felt alone again.

It felt like a lifeline had been lowered to pull me out of the darkness, but there was the fear that it might be a rotten rope.

Or the anxiety that the moment I grabbed that rope, I might fall into an even deeper abyss.

Yoon Sol just pulled the blanket over her head, shedding meaningless tears endlessly.

The night deepened, and her chaotic mind showed no signs of settling.

Only a sense of hopelessness pressed down on her entire being.