Streamer Crazy About Slaughter - Chapter 466

The victory has once again slipped away.

Like a fleeting mirage. The light of victory, which seemed within reach, has vanished without a trace.

I definitely had the feeling that it was close enough to touch.

In that moment when Destiny succeeded and a miracle occurred, the hope of victory appeared before me.

In that moment, my heart, which had been close to resignation, began to transform into hope.

But even so…

I couldn’t reach the light.

…

An unusually large sense of regret remained in Minha’s heart.

Now, after a brief gathering, I’ve returned to the accommodation. I lay down in the bedroom, but sleep would not come.

All I could see was the ceiling shrouded in darkness. My consciousness was clear.

Rustle.

While shifting my body, Minha blinked blankly.

“…”

I never thought I would be so shocked.

Perhaps my expectations were too high.

The longing for victory that had come so close.

I might have been too captivated by it, holding an excessively large heart.

Pretending to be calm, joking with the other kids who were feeling nervous. In reality, I was the one with the greatest hopes.

At that moment when the last match ended and I stepped onto the stage, I couldn’t contain my emotions.

I couldn’t even conduct an interview, and in the end, everything ended up in a haze.

‘How embarrassed must the others have felt?’

Reflecting on it now, I felt how foolish I had acted.

I wasn’t the only one who was sad. The others must have hoped just as much as I did.

However, I couldn’t hide my emotions like everyone else and expressed them openly.

Even worse, the TSJ who won seemed to only see my negative side, which made me feel uncomfortable.

Rustle…

Even while shifting my body, a sigh escaped my lips repeatedly.

Am I regretting it?

If so, what exactly am I regretting right now?

‘…I don’t know.’

I didn’t think today’s match was poorly played. It was my best effort.

Even if I could go back to before the first match, I wouldn’t think I could have achieved a better result today.

Even though Destiny, fortune, accompanied me in the last match, returning wouldn’t change the result considering I couldn’t defeat TSJ.

In the end, this was the reality.

I couldn’t overcome the wall called TSJ and once again remained in second place.

So… what exactly am I regretting to be tossing and turning like this?

The more I thought about it, the more the last five matches came to mind.

Joan of Arc, with her near miraculous movements, dodging bullets and charging forward.

It felt like that image was still lingering in my eyes.

“Really… it’s a memory that I won’t be able to forget until the end.”

I muttered, smiling wryly at myself.

At the moment just before victory. I had let slip the only moment I could have grasped it with my own hands.

I couldn’t blame anyone or resent anyone.

Because I didn’t perform better, I missed that opportunity, which may never come again.

I might never be able to forget that moment.

Rustle.

…

Even after that, the time without sleep continued as I tossed and turned.

With my eyes open blankly, I became filled with thoughts and struggles.

As the night deepened.

Knock knock.

I heard an unexpected knock.

Rubbing my drowsy eyes, I picked up the smartphone nearby.

—1:26 AM.

Who in the world is knocking at this hour?

Thinking about it, I spoke up.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me, Kang Hyuk. I figured you might be awake, so I knocked.”

I drew a light breath at the voice ringing from beyond the door.

“…What do you mean?”

You thought I’d be awake, so you knocked? What kind of reasoning is that?

“Right now, everyone else is at a drinking party. If you’re okay, I thought it might be fine to join and drink together. I’m sorry if you still don’t feel well…”

His voice seemed indifferent. But it didn’t sound completely cold, which made me hesitate.

After a bit of time had passed, I still felt embarrassed and awkward about facing others.

Having been able to grasp victory with my own hands, I felt even more apologetic toward my teammates.

But.

‘I’m not going to see their faces tomorrow anyway…’

Forcing myself to sleep wouldn’t resolve anything.

“Okay. I’ll come out.”

“Then I’ll take my time drinking. You just come out when you’re ready.”

“…Okay.”

…

Clack.

As I opened the door, the party was in full swing.

Tables in the living room were pushed together for the drinking session. The various scents of drinks assaulted my nose.

“Oh! Minha!”

“So, are you feeling any better now?”

As I slipped into an empty spot, as usual, Minseong and Jin Hyuk approached me.

“…What do you mean I feel better? When was I ever not okay?”

I replied curtly due to embarrassment, lifting my glass.

Even though I felt sorry inside, it was just awkward to express it outwardly.

They treated me so normally, and now apologizing seemed ridiculous.

So… let’s just move on.

‘Let’s drink and shake it all off.’

As I reached for the soju bottle, Minseong grabbed it first.

“Oh, noona, let me pour for you.”

I offered my glass with a smile.

“…Thanks.”

As I blankly watched the soju filling my glass, Minseong spoke up.

“Just let it all out, noona. It’s all in the past anyway. What can we do about it now?”

“I was already going to do that even without you saying.”

“Seriously, this noona doesn’t change even when you worry about her.”

Minseong giggled and tucked the soju bottle aside, revealing a glass filled to the brim.

“Past events are just past events.”

As numerous glasses gathered in the center along with Kang Hyuk’s calm voice, I clinked my glass.

Cheers!

As we clinked glasses and drank, the bitter taste of the soju overwhelmed me.

Even so, I couldn’t help but smile.

Typically, in celebratory events, wine is served, but in moments filled with lingering regrets like now, only the bitter soju is piled high.

This had become a tradition, held every time on the day of our second place finish, but I almost forgot that too.

Gulp.

As the bitter drink filled my mouth, the feeling was strange, almost overwhelming.

‘…It tastes so bad.’

Even as I put down my glass, my mouth felt unnecessarily dry.

As the sharp drink flowed into my already hurting heart, I just felt strange.

“Not tasty, right?”

As Jin Hyuk asked with a soft laugh, I nodded.

“Seriously… I don’t know who sells this for money.”

“Noona, you say it’s not tasty and yet you down it in one go?”

“…Saying it’s not good and taking it can be two different things.”

Tap.

As I reached for my glass again, soju was poured into it naturally.

“Honestly, today was really disappointing. I didn’t want to say it, but I feel like if I don’t say anything, it’ll just pile up inside…”

Seeing Minseong speak calmly, which was unlike him, I nodded slightly.

“…Yeah. It is disappointing.”

“If you guys are so disappointed, then what about me, who didn’t even get to participate?”

As Jin Hyuk chuckled and said this, I inadvertently gazed at him.

‘Come to think of it…’

Jin Hyuk didn’t get to play a single game today.

There were undoubtedly various reasons behind it, but primarily, it was because I was the one who participated in all the matches.

I thought to myself absentmindedly.

Cheers!

“What are you thinking so hard about? That was just a joking remark.”

As Jin Hyuk lightly tapped his glass against mine, I awkwardly laughed.

“…It’s nothing.”

I didn’t want to bring up any feelings of apology.

I was afraid of ruining the atmosphere. So with an awkward smile, I downed my drink again.

“Still, we saw a definite hope today, didn’t we?”

As Kang Hyuk stated calmly from across the table, I felt an absurd laughter bubble up.

Thud.

As I set down my half-empty glass and wiped my lips, the bitterness of the soju remained.

‘Why did this become the national drink?’

Maybe that’s why I spoke up, almost complaining.

“Kang Hyuk, didn’t you say that during spring too?”

“Did I? Well, I mean, I definitely saw a clearer hope than before.”

Kang Hyuk answered nonchalantly while tilting his glass, looking calm.

In some ways, it seemed like he would be the one feeling the most uncomfortable at this moment, yet he didn’t show it at all.

Did he really carry the weight of being a lead within that solid body?

I wondered while lifting my glass.

Cheers!

After clinking my glass with Kang Hyuk’s, I drank calmly.

As Kang Hyuk laughed, somewhat incredulously while drinking, I felt a strange sense of camaraderie.

If there’s such a thing as camaraderie, maybe this feeling I have is what it is.

On this day when we finished in second place again, this ongoing bitter drinking session strangely took away my worries.

…

As time continued, trivial conversations flowed back and forth.

Among them, discussions about today’s match couldn’t be avoided, and everyone couldn’t hide their disappointment.

Lingering feelings about victory.

Even though we had drinking sessions like this often, today, the atmosphere certainly felt different.

Everyone was showing their disappointment as if they felt a deep sense of regret.

“By the way, the fact that I cried at the end must have definitely gone on air…”

Unconsciously, I blurted out foolishly.

The moment I realized it, I felt a bit embarrassed, but as the others looked at me as if I were curious, I smiled lightly in resignation.

“Yeah, it probably did go out on air?”

“Probably.”

As I acknowledged the normal way they responded to me, I realized how typical they were.

Considering I cried out so loudly during the interview, if it hadn’t aired, that would have been stranger.

“Ha… I still don’t know why I cried that much. Seriously… it must have looked very ugly.”

While I self-deprecated, my heart felt numb now.

There were countless spectators, and even knowing it would go on air, I couldn’t contain my emotions at that moment.

Overwhelmed with feelings, I let them overflow outside without restraint.

I seemed to have cried so pathetically, and I might have shown terribly unattractive sides of myself.

I shook my head as I felt embarrassed about how I had acted back then.

‘What did I accomplish…’

Even though Kang Hyuk had comforted me, I had only continued to cry.

“……”

I kept drinking while my heart felt empty.

As I chatted casually and wondered how much I had drunk, I felt my mind floating slightly.

If this moment of drinking is a dream…

How wonderful it would have been if the dream of having won was real.

…Everyone had worked so hard to get to the finals.

In the end, everything turned to emptiness, leaving only a feeling of void.

But my reasoning, which couldn’t deny that this was reality, kept me grounded.

“They’ll probably come up with all sorts of nicknames on the community, right?”

I said with a self-deprecating laugh.

“Whatever they come up with, they won’t stick anyway. It’s just a matter of changing from five-time runners-up to six-time runners-up.”

“…If they want to come up with something, let them. What does it matter?”

“Won’t the fans let it go today at least?”

Kang Hyuk and Jin Hyuk spoke calmly, while Minseong seemed a bit more concerned as he said this, making me think of the audience who filled the finals.

Our team’s fans filled the audience just as much as TSJ’s fans.

‘They probably just got let down…’

Unable to sigh, I lifted my glass again.

“Still, it’s not that I can’t accept it anymore, it’s just that I’m upset.”

I glanced over at Ha Jun, who spoke with a relieved expression.

When I thought about it, Ha Jun had probably changed the most compared to the past.

Today, he had endured quite well against Joan of Arc.

“Speaking of which, you did really well today. I thought you were someone else.”

“…I did well? What do you mean? I was still breached by Joan of Arc in the end.”

“Even just holding out like that is impressive. If you’d done like this in the previous finals, we would have secured a win much earlier.”

As I jokingly said this at the end, I saw Ha Jun looking at me in disbelief.

“Hey, forget that. Just give me your glass. I’ll pour you a drink for doing well.”

As he picked up the soju bottle, he awkwardly extended his glass toward me.

Slurp.

“Oh~ what’s this?”

“Hey! Right now Ha Jun’s avoiding noona’s gaze, isn’t he?”

Even with the teasing from the others, I filled his glass to the brim before finally releasing the bottle.

“When will you learn to get comfortable around girls?”

I teased, finding it amusing while also feeling absurd.

I was baffled by why he would avoid my gaze at a time like this, but I turned my gaze away.

“Kang Hyuk, say something.”

To change the atmosphere, I spoke up, and Kang Hyuk slowly lifted his glass and began.

“Next time… let’s definitely win.”

Hearing the same words that I couldn’t count how many times I’d heard him say, we all raised our glasses.

Cheers!

As our glasses clinked loudly, I smiled again while drinking.

Even as I swallowed the bitter drink once more, it felt like this was reality. I felt like I could accept it now.

While I couldn’t deny that I felt regret and lingering feelings, it didn’t change anything if I simply turned away from it and felt sad.

‘Right. We just have to win next time.’

As I engraved Kang Hyuk’s words in my heart, I set my glass down.

Thud.

Looking around, everyone was blushing from the alcohol, which was quite a sight.

I thought it would be funny to take a picture of them, and I gazed at their faces.

Including myself, we had all been on the same team for three years without changing.

Thinking of how teams change every year in the professional scene, maybe the team G1 itself was quite a remarkable thing.

Even though we didn’t achieve victory.

The accomplishment of being runners-up wasn’t lacking, and in between, everyone may have grown attached to this team and to each other.

Though there were surely some professional teams that offered better conditions in the interim…

It seemed we wouldn’t find teammates like this anywhere else to leave this team.

Because everyone had become such close friends.

Right, like friends who became closer than those whom I had lost contact with long ago…

Next year, perhaps…

‘I might still be with this team.’

That thought came to me casually at that moment.

I saw Kang Hyuk gazing at me intently.

“Hey.”

“…Yeah?”

“You should go back to your room now.”

Blinking at Kang Hyuk’s words, I was taken aback, wondering what he meant.

“What do you mean all of a sudden?”

“You’re pretty drunk, so go back.”

His composed tone made me bring my hand to my face blankly.

I could definitely feel it burning.

I knew my face was flushed from the heat without needing to look in a mirror.

“Really… Kang Hyuk, you’re surprisingly caring at times like this.”

As Minseong laughed beside me, I looked at Kang Hyuk curiously.

Pretending to be indifferent, he showed a subtle concern.

Thinking back, he had been like this for a long time, so I slowly nodded.

“Okay. Then I’ll stop drinking here.”

As I prepared to leave, a big yawn escaped me.

“…”

Somehow, I felt like I would sleep well tonight.