Streamer Crazy About Slaughter - Chapter 3

“Haah…”

As I exhaled deeply, I was gradually understanding the situation at hand.

However, the more I understood, the more a massive emotion surged within me.

I tried my best to collect my emotions…

Yet, despite that, I found my eyes misting up without realizing it.

Continuous thick emotions ballooned up as if they were going to swallow me whole.

“d*mn. d*mn… d*mn!! If it was to send me back like this… then what the hell was I… what was the point of all those… hardships?”

A feeling of complete lethargy filled my entire body.

The reality, in which I had lost everything, was…

Overwhelming despair that was too immense to bear.

It felt like a different pain compared to all the suffering I had endured countless times.

Returning to reality like this, all the things I had achieved in that world…

The completion of techniques acquired through rigorous training, having repeated hundreds, thousands of efforts.

The energy that had accumulated in my body as I continued to grow.

The gear and rewards I had worked so hard to complete quests that I wanted to give up on multiple times.

Having lost all of that now…

It was as if I had lost the very motivation to live.

My eyelids grew heavier and heavier, and through my foggy vision, only the blurry shapes of an unfamiliar space filled my sight.

The omnipotence that once filled me with energy.

Along with the various equipment items and consumables obtained through countless hardships.

Those vivid memories surged back clearly even now, having returned to reality.

Silver hair brushed against my face as if teasing it between my features.

“……”

My character.

No, now she was the woman I had become.

Until now, I was still in Lin’s form.

Yes. Even after returning to reality, I remained in the state of my game character.

“In a state where I’ve been made into a woman, yet… everything I’ve achieved has been taken away…”

I clutched my pure white hair tightly as I numbly collected my emotions.

Tears continued to blur my vision.

My focus wavered, and my mind kept spinning in confusion.

An unbearable reality.

Yet, a reality that I had to accept.

Suddenly, stories of protagonists who fell into another world and returned to their original world flashed through my mind.

Decorating the ending of the story as the protagonist led a normal life before falling into that alternate world.

Returning to reality as a reward for their hardships.

That was always their ending.

Then, am I also…

Am I in such a situation…?

“…Don’t joke with me.”

The sense of happiness from returning.

No longer in danger from monsters. A sense of liberation from living under a threat where I couldn’t see an inch ahead.

Such emotions didn’t resonate with me at all.

It was simply the heights I had achieved.

The rewards I obtained after surviving countless life-threatening situations.

“Don’t joke with me…”

Only the deep emotion of resentment toward whoever had taken all of that away filled my heart.

Deep resentment and hatred filled my chest.

I certainly thought about returning to the original world someday… but I didn’t wish for it to happen in such a way…

Having adapted to that world to an irretrievable extent.

Washing was uncomfortable, transportation wasn’t properly developed, and I had to move my body according to the massive current opposing my will…

Yet…

Even so, I was content with that world.

The rewards given when I acted under the title of quests.

Adventuring in the world along the current of the great flow.

Perhaps I was intoxicated by the growth and achievements I had gained in that process.

The sense of presence filled with energy throughout my body.

The sensation of being alive.

A life in which I felt elation while defeating monsters.

That was why I had accumulated unimaginable wealth in that world from a certain moment, but I hadn’t sought safety.

I had embarked on adventures, visiting various regions while inviting all sorts of dangers.

Simply…

Because it was satisfying.

Because that was an extraordinarily fulfilling life for me.

In a world where I forgot even the passage of time, life there was like a paradise in itself.

Continuously feeling threats.

Uncomfortable.

It could not be called a comfortable life, and it was chaotic, but…

Despite that, I liked it.

I liked living that life.

To me, who had felt no interest in anything in the original reality, no value in life whatsoever.

Every moment. The sensations in that world that made me feel alive were like a drug to me.

A life rolling amidst danger.

Living with feelings like pleasure and exhilaration.

Continuously drugged as if I had adapted to that world.

I grasped with a blank expression, my vision fogging up.

“……”

In response, a self-mocking smile escaped amidst a feeling that was so hollow it bordered on absurd.

It felt fragile.

Weak.

I felt no strength.

The familiar red energy no longer surged from my hands.

As if I had become an ordinary woman.

Only an endless sense of powerlessness was pressing down on me.

As if this was reality.

As if I were merely a powerless woman.

To myself, who continuously clenched and unclenched my fists.

The weight of the name reality was crushing me too heavily.

“Now, how am I supposed to… live on…”

How?

How am I supposed to live when suddenly returned to reality like this?

Thoughts filled my mind blankly.

The omnipotence of being alive.

Now, in this reality where I could no longer feel the thrill and ecstasy I had experienced from killing monsters.

– How am I supposed to live from now on?

The worry I had when I first fell into the game world…

It had come back to find me again.

……

How much time has passed since then?

I lifted my body, feeling no strength within me, and wiped the foggy haze from my eyes.

Then, I began to rummage through the items around me, one by one.

Information about myself.

Right now, I was still in Lin’s form, yet I had no thought that there would be nothing about myself.

Enduring the heavy feelings trying to sink down desperately, I faced this reality.

Despite continuously swirling feelings of injustice and resentment, and surging endless lamentations about this world…

Yet, I forced my body to move.

Clunk.

Clunk.

Amidst the hazy consciousness, I frantically rummaged through the drawers and spaces under the desk for information.

I thought of an absolute being playing with me. Still, I had to face reality.

And soon, I managed to find something like a wallet.

I placed the wallet on the desk and pulled out everything inside it to lay it out.

Credit and debit cards of brands I wasn’t familiar with.

And above all, a card depicting a woman with a familiar appearance caught my eye.

Her silver hair neatly tied back in a photo.

An exotic appearance that seemed mixed.

The appearance of a beauty no one could deny.

A character who seemed unreal took a shockingly realistic form on the card.

It wasn’t just some character.

There was evident proof that she was a real person.

Now… that was my appearance and a person in reality.

“Han… Serin.”

Reading the name on the card, a voice followed that felt uncomfortable even to me.

“Han Serin. Han Serin. Han Serin…”

Muttering it aloud, I pronounced it as if the awkwardness I felt at first was a lie and became familiar with it.

[xx0516 – xxxxxx]

– Gangnam-gu, Seoul

While checking the rest of the information and looking at other things, an unexpected thought suddenly hit me.

‘What was my real name?’

My name…

…

Then, I felt a chilling sensation without realizing it.

I tried to recall it, but I couldn’t bring to mind my original name at all.

“Han Serin.”

That kept popping up as if it were my name.

My original name.

The self who would have been a man, not a woman like now.

That name didn’t come to me.

Then suddenly.

“Lin.”

The name I had given to my character in the game came to mind.

“……d*mn it.”

A shallow sigh escaped as a tone of despair flowed out.

Now, I could recall the name I had given to my character in the game, yet I couldn’t even remember my own original name.

My original appearance.

My personality.

My university and things like that.

Those were vividly remembered.

Yet, strangely enough, my name wouldn’t come to mind.

It was so unusual that I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t recall it.

“Han Serin…”

I pondered for a moment and ultimately just stated my current name.

My future self.

And now, I was Han Serin.

The self who had once been a man in the past was nowhere to be found.