From VTuber♂ to VTuber♀ - Chapter 8

January 4th) If I want to earn money, I guess I need to update my ID photo first, huh…

“Part-time job available, urgently hiring part-time worker, convenience store looking for part-timer…”

To live, I needed money. That was basic common sense.
I briefly considered going back to streaming like before,
but ever since my body changed like this, I didn’t really want to touch that world again.

Burying the memories that had now become a painful wound deep inside my mind, I sighed.
Honestly, I wanted to forget it all.
But human memory doesn’t work like that—
the more you try to forget something, the more vividly it comes to mind.

“Found… it, but…”

Ah. I need an ID.
And mine still had the photo from before I changed.
I panicked for a moment at the unexpected situation,
but then remembered what the doctor had told me.
In these cases, they’d update your ID immediately—just head to the local government office.

Even trying to get a job, I was being held back by stuff like this.

With another sigh, I got up from my seat.
I’d been trying not to go outside as much as possible, but now…

“My skin’s already flaring up from just a quick trip to the corner store…”

Even the slight sunlight that touched my skin made it red, itchy, and painful.
What am I, a vampire or something?

If I was going to change, couldn’t I have gotten a normal body instead of this mess?

Clicking my tongue, I grabbed the sunscreen in the corner and squeezed out a generous amount.

“Ugh, it’s so sticky. Gross.”

Slick, sticky—
all these unpleasant sensations coated my skin as I spread it on.
This was why I didn’t want to wear sunscreen.

My face and hands now felt all greasy and sticky. I let out a deep sigh.
So now I had to wear sunscreen every time I went out?
That sounded exhausting.

“…I’m heading out.”

No one was around to hear it,
but saying that had become a habit now as I stepped outside.

—

‘Good, there aren’t many people around.’

I arrived at the local office using a map and took a seat.
Maybe because it was a weekday, there weren’t many people.

…Well, government offices only open on weekdays, don’t they?

While waiting for my number, I could feel people staring at me from all around.
I guess that’s understandable.
What business would a kid this small have at a government office all alone?

Feeling self-conscious, I pulled my hood lower so I couldn’t see anyone else.

“Number 21, please come to the counter~”

“…”

“Number 21? Is no one there?”

“Ah, yes! Coming!”

…I didn’t expect to be number 21.
I was so busy worrying about the stares that I completely forgot my own number.
Flustered, my voice came out too loud and off-pitch, and my face turned red.
I hopped off the chair and quickly walked over to the counter.

The chair, of course, was ridiculously tall.
I’d have to climb it in an embarrassing pose if I wanted to sit.

“…Customer?”

“Uh, would it be okay if I just stood while we talk? It won’t take long. Probably…”

“Ah, yes…”

Whether it was because of my appearance, or the fact I didn’t sit down, or something else entirely,
the clerk nodded with a visibly bewildered expression.

Of course she was surprised.
Seeing someone this small refusing to sit and just standing there had to be odd.

With that in mind, I decided to get this over with as quickly as possible.
I had no desire to keep being the center of attention.

“I’m here to update my ID.”

“…Your ID?”

“Yes, my gender recently changed. Here.”

I placed the medical certificate from the hospital and my original ID card on the counter.
The clerk looked back and forth between my face and the photo on the card.

Then she carefully examined the diagnosis document and looked at me again,
her expression now filled with skepticism.

Of course.
Who would believe that the man in the ID photo and the little girl standing here were the same person?

Even my manager—ah, well, former manager—
hadn’t believed me at first.

A complete stranger being suspicious was only natural.

“Did you bring a new photo for the updated ID?”

“Ah.”

Right, the photo. You need a picture for a new ID.
How stupid can you be, Han Yeoreum?
Were you planning to get an updated ID without a photo?

…

God, I’m so dumb.

“If you don’t have one, there’s a self-service photo booth in the back. You can take one there. I’ll wait, so go ahead.”

“Th-thank you…”

I bowed deeply to the kind clerk and ran over to the photo booth.
I definitely felt like everyone was watching me… and it probably wasn’t just in my head.

Someone who never even took selfies, now using a photo booth…
My first ID photo had been taken at a photo studio in a suit.

Well, I’d retake it properly later.
For now, the machine would do.

Still… these machines are kinda pricey.

“Hmm… I guess I press this?”

[Would you like to take an ID photo?]

“…This is awkward.”

Seeing the unfamiliar face on the screen made me chuckle bitterly.
Who even are you? What are you doing there?

Is this how it feels to look into a mirror for the first time?

I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this face.
There was no sense of me in this body.

If only I’d known I was a twin from the beginning…
Would that have made this easier?

Would I have handled it better?

[Please move your hair so your eyebrows are visible.]
[3, 2, 1—]

Click.

—

“God, this came out so bad… What is this, seriously? Pfft…!”

After coming home with my new ID, I burst out laughing the moment I saw the photo.
A face full of discomfort, eyes wide in fear, lips lightly bitten like I was about to cry—
An absolute masterpiece.

I stomped my feet and laughed,
my giggles echoing through the room.

Ha, ha, ha… haha, hahahaha…

“…I want to go back.”

Would things have turned out differently if I’d just told the CEO I wanted to keep trying?

If I had told people the truth about my body changing and insisted on continuing my VTuber activities—
would that have changed anything?

Maybe I gave up for no reason.
Maybe I was just scared.

But still, I remembered it all so clearly—
The distrust in my manager’s eyes, even as he said he believed me.
The CEO’s relieved expression when I said I’d cancel my contract.

And in both of their eyes—
the reflection of a frightened little girl.

“We’ll probably be handling more anniversary lives and event promos this year.”

A company runs on money.
Every event, every campaign, every concert was an investment in “VTuber Han Yeoreum.”
Now that my body had changed, pulling out was the only logical move.

Even if the phone you ordered is just a different color or model than expected,
you’d still be disappointed.

And more than anything, I didn’t have the strength to deal with the chaos, the questions,
the time it would take for people to understand.
Not when I hadn’t even come to terms with it myself.

“Oh, right. Maybe I could just turn on a cam and start streaming again?
I mean, even if the color combo’s a little weird, I’m technically a cute girl now—
maybe people would go easy on me! Ha, haha…”

Ha.

Yeah, right.

I clenched the ID in my hand so the photo wouldn’t be visible.
I squeezed so hard the edge dug into my palm.
But I didn’t care. I just wanted to stay like this.

Why me?

I screamed the same question in my head dozens of times a day.
Why me?

I asked again, even knowing no answer would come.
Why me?

With a sigh that turned into something like a sob,
I buried my face between my knees.

“How am I supposed to accept this?!”

Proving who I was to everyone I’d known and everything I’d built—

I gave it all up, afraid of being rejected, afraid I wouldn’t be accepted.
That’s where I was now.

Stupid Han Yeoreum. Cowardly Han Yeoreum.
Why didn’t you cling to it?
Why didn’t you shout that you were still you?

“But, but—
—How is this supposed to be me?”

This wasn’t me.