I Don’t Want to Play Villains Anymore - Chapter 29

Diary of a Villain

Evidence Number HUT0627

June 6th.

The weather was nice, but the Teacher didn’t seem nice.

I don’t know why.

When I opened the door and walked in, I said “Hello,” but the Teacher didn’t respond.

She just stared at her desk. I was right beside her. Really close. Yet she didn’t look at me.

I felt a little sad. I don’t know what sadness is, but I usually feel this way at times like this.

My heart feels like it’s being poked with scissors.

I wonder if Yookyung’s Teacher feels the same way when she’s making fun.

I’m curious.

I really tried to do well.

…Since it’s a diary that no one else will read anyway, I’ll stop pretending I don’t know how to spell. -Written with a slightly heavy hand-

The Teacher said, “Toys are meant to be shared,” so yesterday she even cut an eraser and gave me half.

Half. Exactly the same. Really exactly the same.

But did everyone quiet down soon?

A friend didn’t take the eraser. The Teacher seemed weird when she came.

She didn’t say “Thank you” to me, only “That’s not how you should do it.”

That can’t be right? I was the one who suggested we share.

I did a good deed. A good deed should be liked by Gineul.

But everyone disliked Gineul.

Then wasn’t it a good deed?

I’m not sure.

After lunch, I went to the fun room. The Teacher took me there.

Before she opened the door, for a moment, our eyes met…

The Teacher’s pupils shook slightly.

If it’s scary because of me… That’s not good. I don’t want that.

I’m a good child, so I shouldn’t be scary.

So I smiled.

A little bigger, very brightly.

But the Teacher didn’t smile back at all.

That was a bit upsetting.

I still don’t know well.

Do ‘good things’ that adults talk about really change so quickly?

Was yesterday okay, but today it’s bad?

I am not bad.

Just, a little different.

The hand of Seohyun in the Sunbeam class pointing in a strange direction is not just Ral’s fault.

That child poked first. Gineul disliked it.

Dong-yun in the Ladybug class getting a bellyache is also not Ral’s fault.

I warned him not to come, but it was that kid who got closer.

The Teacher is still not at fault.

Not yet, she’s not at fault.

I hope she smiles.

The Teacher.

While looking at me.

…

“…Did Haneul write this?”

Gong Mu-heon, the Director, said as he looked at Haneul with wide eyes.

“Yes. I wrote it imagining what Suha might feel.”

It’s not easy to write while immersed in a role.

“Writer Jang Seo-yoon. Take a look at this.”

“…Did Haneul write this?”

Jang Seo-yoon, the writer sitting next to Gong Mu-heon, asked carefully.

Her tone was as calm as possible, but her fingertips were slightly trembling under the desk.

“Yes. I wrote it imagining what Suha might feel.”

Haneul nodded with her usual very calm face.

Her pupils were quiet, and her tone had neither that common pride nor humility.

It just sounded like the truth as it is.

‘Can a character write something like this?’

Writer Jang Seo-yoon looked again at the sheet of paper held in her hand.

The crayon-like writing looked as though it was written by a five-year-old.

At first, she thought it was a joke.

The sentences followed one after another, clearly misspelled, like they were written by a child.

But as she reached the end of the writing, she felt a gradual loss of focus from her face.

‘…Since it’s a diary just for herself, I’ll stop pretending I don’t know how to spell.’

From there, the writing changed.

It wasn’t simply ‘written’ but followed a genuine ‘emotional structure’—and at some strange point, ‘fear’ began to creep in.

This wasn’t a setup. It was narration.

One character wrote a diary as if dissecting her own feelings.

Furthermore, the fact that this came from the fingers of such a mere five-year-old was even more shocking.

Jang Seo-yoon was enveloped in a strange feeling.

On one hand, she felt chills, and on the other hand, it was astonishing.

‘How much does this actor know?’

“…Haneul.”

“Yes?”

“When did you write this?”

“Right after I took it out… while reviewing the script, I was thinking about what emotions Suha might feel. I just wanted to try writing it like a diary.”

“Do you often write such things?”

Haneul shook her head slightly.

“This is my first time. But Suha doesn’t talk much. There aren’t many opportunities to express emotions, so I wrote it instead.”

“…You wrote emotions instead for her?”

“Yes. Suha doesn’t talk, but I thought she must have many feelings.”

Writer Jang Seo-yoon was at a loss for words upon hearing that.

‘Just because she doesn’t speak, she thinks there might be many feelings…’ This came from the mouth of a five-year-old?

The Director had remained silent until then. He slowly opened his mouth.

“…Writer Seo-yoon.”

“Yes, Director?”

“Don’t change this scene.”

Jang Seo-yoon blinked.

“Oh, you mean the eraser scene?”

“Sure, that scene is important, but… right before the ‘fun room’ scene, Suha’s monologue where she talks to herself. Let’s insert this.”

“The diary?”

“Yes. Just like that. Don’t edit it. Just write it as is.”

“If it’s like that, isn’t it too direct?”

“That’s good. What the audience feels is not because Suha will do something… but because they already knew it and yet, no one noticed.”

Haneul stood quietly.

As if she didn’t know how her diary was being received now or how big of an impact this conversation was making.

But Jang Seo-yoon knew.

Among all the content she had ever written, this child named Suha was the first character that emotionally ‘overwhelmed’ her.

This child doesn’t follow the plot. She drives the plot.

That was not just Suha as a character, but the power of actress Baek Ha-neul.

And that power was just beginning.

Jang Seo-yoon looked again at the sheet of paper.

Feelings that feel like they’re being pierced by scissors.

The writing was perfect for a child, not childlike at all.

The writer murmured slowly, with a sense of strange awe.

“…This child has already been to the end.”

***

Due to the performance, there were some hiccups, but today’s filming went on smoothly in parts.

Having processed Suha’s emotions, which were deemed disappointing last life, now only good things remain for the Diary of a Villain.

“Phew… It’s exhausting.”

Is it because I was recognized for my acting for the first time?

I made a lot of mistakes I normally wouldn’t have made, so filming took longer.

Only after dangerously crossing the point where a child actor is allowed to work did today’s quota finish.

“Great job, Haneul.”

After resting for a while, Jae-wook came over.

His face, like before, had a slight smile and a leisurely pace.

Despite the lack of an attitude that seems to be showing some burden somewhere…

Strangely, I wanted to step back from that atmosphere.

‘Alpha males must have a genetic allergy…’

I forced my lips to smile as I said.

“…Ugh. Jae-wook, you’re a teacher.”

Hearing me call him that seemed to make Jae-wook happy, and he smiled.

From a face that had just been my brother-in-law, he returned to the ‘cool boyfriend’ mode.

Easygoing and charming… making that smile even more ambiguous.

“Haha. You don’t have to be cool. Haneul, you were really focused today!”

Did he perceive it as acting cool?

Thank goodness.

“Of course, it’s my specialty.”

“I knew that since the original, but… it was really scary. I got goosebumps watching from behind the camera.”

“Thank you for saying that.”

Politely, I tried to move on with just that much.

Until Jae-wook spoke to me in an unexpectedly serious tone.

“Haneul.”

“Yes?”

“Is that really okay?”

“…What do you mean?”

Could it be about the previous life discussion…

“That you’re so immersed. You dropped the script after the scene ended, and you couldn’t even open the water bottle.”

Oh.

At that moment, I absentmindedly looked at my hands.

My fingertips still felt like they were holding onto a cold sensation.

“That’s just… because it was cold.”

“I’m genuinely worried about you.”

He spoke sincerely. The look in his eyes was serious.

It was somewhat different from the look of an adult worrying about a child.

It was the look of a colleague worrying. The gaze shared at the same level.

Even if the presence of Jae-wook seems a bit daunting, I really like that look.

“That child Suha is… a character so difficult that even adults can’t act properly. But you’re doing so well that it feels unreal, making me worried instead.”

“Is that a compliment? Concern?”

“Both.”

Jae-wook took a breath and continued in a calm tone.

“When I was young, I didn’t really understand what acting was. I just memorized the lines given to me, created jokes, and thought if the adults praised me, that meant I acted well.”

“But now it’s different?”

“Now it’s not the same. If you ask me what acting is now… it’s definitely ‘living as a character’ rather than just acting. But you… with a body of a five-year-old, you do that so well.”

Well, it’s just because my body is five.

He paused for a moment and looked me straight in the eye.

“Haneul, are you… going to act for a long time?”

Although it was the second time in this life that I was asked that question, it came unexpectedly.

I stopped for a moment and sank into my thoughts. But soon, I answered in a very small voice.

“…I want to.”

Technically, I don’t know.

Even if the audience criticizes me, it wouldn’t be so bad to find acting fun.

Of course, it’s fun, but every time I hear people saying, ‘The protagonist is going to d*e, you brat!’ it’s really irritating.

“Really?”

“Technically, I don’t know. I just feel like… I can’t not act.”

So maybe up until my previous life, it was a sense of duty.

I acted with that mindset, but…

“Has it been like that since you were young?”

I shook my head slightly.

“Not anymore.”

Now that I’m acting in different roles.

Acting is purely enjoyable.

“What?”

“…Ah, please pretend you didn’t hear that.”

Jae-wook chuckled and quietly said.

“You’re really a strange kid.”

“You too, Teacher.”

“I’m the strange one?”

“Talking seriously like this with a little kid.”

He burst into laughter.

It wasn’t a tired laugh, but a genuinely happy smile.

“Sure, I didn’t think I’d act so seriously together like this.”

And then, a moment of silence passed. I quietly put the script back in my bag and said.

“But I’m fine, Jae-wook. No need to worry.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I want to know how far I can go. As Suha. As Baek Ha-neul. As an actress.”

Jae-wook didn’t say a word for a while. Then he nodded and said.

“…Alright. Then I’ll watch over you closely.”

“Okay, then…”

I opened my eyes wide as a ‘courtesy’ of a young child and extended my hand.

“…Please take care of me, Teacher.”

That hand was small and thin. Yet, it had a strong presence.

Jae-wook carefully held that hand.

“Sure. I’ll take care of you.”

So, the hands of two parties met.

It wasn’t the beginning of a forbidden romance or the onset of a crime…

It was a handshake between the great actors of the past and future, who stood as stars in the present.